Arms
by FireWriter316
Summary: We couldn't lose Kai. He helped bring our team together. Without him, we wouldn't connect. We'd fall apart. The same way we'd fall apart if we lost anyone of us on the ninja team. Warning: Major character death. Rated T because of violence, slight language, and PTSD/depression symptoms. May change to M, if needed.
1. Chapter 1: Gone

**So, I apologize in advance for what you're about to witness. Too many feels, too many emotions.**

 **But I had to post this.**

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Chapter 1: Gone

 _"Goodbyes are not forever._

 _Goodbyes are not the end._

 _It only means, 'I'll miss you_

 _Until we meet again.'"_

* * *

We sat with our backs pressed against the rock, our breath coming fast. The shots resounded through the air, and I felt my teammates cringe after every shot. I squeezed Jay's shoulder reassuringly, and slung my arm around Kai as if protecting him.

But, we were safe. For now. The gun shots weren't being fired at us, but at Kai's sister. Well, at her giant, metal, robotic samurai suit. She was controlling it from the inside, so the bullets wouldn't reach her.

I waited for the silencing of gun shots, but it didn't come. Nya was supposed to be taking down gunmen, but apparently the bullets kept coming, and they weren't in any means quiet. They clanked off the samurai armor. It was a deafening roar.

Kai's body was tense. He wanted to move. He wanted to help his sister. I pressed down on his shoulders with the one arm around him, willing him to stay put. He didn't have a giant suit of armor. If he went out now, he wouldn't be doing himself any good, nor the rest of us. We couldn't afford to lose a member of this team. It would destroy us.

But, Kai was impatient. And protective. I knew he felt a huge responsibility to protect his sister, since he had been doing it since they were young kids. Kai had told me briefly that his and Nya's parents had died when he was around 7, but I could tell he held back many details. He didn't tell me how they died, or how he found out they had died. Something was hidden inside his head. A memory he didn't want to uncover. So, I didn't push it.

"Kai," I said, now, glancing at him.

"Yeah?" His reply was clipped.

"Stay put, okay? She'll be fine." He seemed to settle down for a moment, but then moved away from the rock in a crouched position.

He didn't move further, but I placed a forceful hand on his shoulder, bringing his back to the rock. He shot an angry glare at me, but I ignored it. In fact, I almost rolled my eyes. Kai was such a hothead. An impulsive hothead. But, still I felt the need to explain. I was the leader. I had to be a good example for him, maybe more than the others. I had to be solid and steady and strong. And smart... Maybe Kai could learn from that.

"Hey, you don't have an invincible suit of armor, Kai," I mentioned. "And you're not doing anyone any good if you get shot."

I was careful to say "you're not doing anyone good" rather than "you're not doing yourself good". Because if Kai was only putting himself in danger, then he wouldn't listen to my word. But, if I told him others could be at risk, he would stay put. I wasn't sure if that was the most leader-like example to set, but it was the only thing keeping Kai safe. That had to be worth something, right?

Plus, it wasn't lying. We couldn't lose Kai. He helped bring our team together. Without him, we wouldn't connect. We'd fall apart. The same way we'd fall apart if we lost anyone of us on the ninja team. And that included Kai's sister, Nya.

It hit us hard. No one saw it coming. How could we? How could you be prepared for a teammate's death? How could you watch another teammate running out wildly towards his sister? His sister whose samurai suit had malfunctioned and opened, leaving her without armor.

A bullet had lodged itself in the control panel on the back of the samurai suit. It had caused Nya's invincible armor to open up, and she was left in the middle of a desert, with three, deadly gunmen surrounding her. And it had allowed a bullet to imbed itself in her flesh.

Kai heard the impact before anyone else. I guess he could tell something was different - the sound was different than the noise a bullet made against metal. He could tell it had hit someone. A person. His sister.

There was a moment of silence. Five seconds where time seemed to move in slow motion. I watched Kai dart away from the rock - our hiding place. He moved too fast for my mind to process. I couldn't stop him. I didn't stop him.

But, I did follow him. After five seconds that seemed like infinity, I snapped out of my daze. I ran after Kai, shouting his name, and trying my hardest not to curse. Jay was on my tail, now, with Zane, the nindroid of ice, following close behind.

Bullets shot over our heads instantly as we revealed ourselves. Kai twisted into a spin move and a flip, dodging the deadly projectile like an expert. But, he evidently didn't care about his own life because he kept running. Towards his sister. Not unaware of the danger around him, but indifferent.

Another shower of bullets spun towards us. They flew past Kai's head, his shoulders, barely missing. I thrust out my hand, and a jut of land shot up near the closest shooter. He flew threw the air and landed on the hard, desert ground with a thump. He wasn't dead, just unconscious.

My breath caught in my throat as I saw one bullet rip the sleeve on Kai's ninja gi. But it didn't pierce his skin.

More bullets. More gun shots aimed to kill us. But, Kai was way ahead. He would be shot before the rest.

A spray of ice shot past my head. Zane's ice. It engulfed the hands of the second gunmen, who had been preparing to shoot his target. Of course that target was Kai. And he would've gotten him too if it hadn't been for Zane. The ninja of ice...

"Kai!" I screamed.

I had to catch up to him. I had to pull him back. Get us out of here.

But, there was no way out, and there was no time to think of one. The shots were coming at a steady pace. Only one gunman was left. It was one against four. And the one had a gun. But, the four had elemental powers.

"Lightning!" Jay shrieked from somewhere behind me. A bolt of electricity struck the leg of the last gunmen. He collapsed in a strange convulsing spasm. But, he wasn't dead either.

The gunmen were gone. At least, they were temporarily taken down.

But, Nya...

I watched as Kai threw himself on the ground beside her. I could hardly look at the girl. She lay still, but breathing faintly. Her eyes were open, but flickering softly.

"Nya! Nya, no, please," Kai pleaded, sobbing.

Tears streamed down his cheeks. He ripped a large portion of fabric off his sleeve frantically and was about to press down on the wound in Nya's stomach. Her soft voice stopped him.

"Kai. Kai, don't. It's okay." She pushed his hand away. "It's going to be alright."

"You're right, you're right." Kai nodded several times. "You're going to be just fine." I could tell he was panicking. He felt helpless.

A lump rose in my throat. I felt the tears stinging my eyes. We couldn't lose Nya.

Kai couldn't lose Nya. He'd already lost so much. His parents. His childhood (he'd had to grow up so fast, carrying the responsibility of caring for Nya). And now the one thing he had left (besides this team), was dying. It was going to crush him.

I briefly shot a glance back at the silent pair behind me, Jay and Zane. Jay had his head buried in Zane's shoulder, crying, and the nindroid was embracing him, sympathetically.

I turned back to Kai and Nya.

"Kai, it's okay," Nya whispered again. Her body shuddered. "I'm going to a better place. I'll get to see...get to see Mom and Dad." She coughed, spitting up a trickle of blood. Kai shook his head, disbelieving.

"Please, Nya." His voice was so low it was barely audible. "I was supposed to protect you."

The tears streamed down my cheeks.

"You have Kai," Nya said, shaking and gasping. "But, sometimes..." She shut her eyes tightly, groaning.

Kai squeezed her hand, and I saw his knuckles go white. His face was whiter. He shook almost as badly as his sister. The tears were streaming down his cheeks endlessly.

This couldn't be happening. Kai shouldn't have to go through this. He couldn't lose Nya. Couldn't, couldn't. It would break him. Was breaking him. But, there was nothing we could do. Nya's wound was fatal.

"Sometimes you have to let the little bird fly from it's nest, Kai. Let it fend for itself and fly, even if it's dangerous," Nya finally managed to get out.

"But, I can't...I can't..." Kai muttered.

"Don't cry, Kai. Mother always told us not to cry."

Everything froze. Myself. Kai. The world. It all froze for just a moment, like the earth was taking a giant, sighing breath. Then, it spun on.

The tears on Kai's cheeks were miraculously gone now. He was trying to be strong. Be strong for her. And appease his sister's dying wish. I couldn't take it. I didn't know how Kai could take. But, then I thought...he couldn't. He was barely holding in the agony, the shattering of his heart, his...

"Take care of them, okay, Cole?" The question was directed at me. "Kai and Jay," Nya said. "Keep them out of trouble for me." She managed a weak smile that turned into a cough and another terrible groan.

I nodded, the lump growing thicker in my throat.

"Y...yeah," I managed. Stupid, stupid. That's all I could say - when she was dying? Pathetic.

"Love you, Kai." She looked at her brother one last time, and he replied in a choked voice.

"Love you too, Nya." His final words to her. She fell limp in his arms.

I watched in a daze, as Kai's trembling hand reached out to shut his sister's eyes. He couldn't do it. His hand hovered over Nya's wide, dead eyes.

That's when I made myself move forward. I pushed Kai's hand down gently, helping him use two fingers to close his sister's eyes. And she was gone.

* * *

 **Once again, I'm sorry.**

 **Or maybe it's more of a "sorry, not sorry" sort of deal.**

 **Anyway, let me know what you think in the reviews.**

 **Thanks for reading and probably bawling your eyes out.**


	2. Chapter 2: Agony

**Thanks for reading the first chapter. Hope you survived XD**

 **This chapter won't be any less feels than the last so...good luck.**

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Chapter 2: Agony

 _"Dear Agony,_

 _Just let go of me_

 _Suffer slowly_

 _Is this the way it's gotta be?"_

* * *

Kai sat for a moment. Stared. Confused. In shock. Then, he screamed. A sound I would never forget for the rest of my life. It was the sound of someone in the deepest pain imaginable. An agonized, heart-shattering cry.

He sobbed over his sister's body, putting his head on her lifeless chest. He was like that for a few minutes, and I stood nearby, not knowing what to do. Zane and Jay were still silent. Jay was still crying softly, but when I looked back, he was staring at Kai and Nya's body beneath him. He seemed as shocked as the rest of us.

Kai sat up, quickly, and laid his sister's body carefully on the ground. He stood up. He moved away from the rest of us, about fifteen feet. And he went into what seemed like a terrible temper tantrum. Except this one was filled with sobbing, choked screams, and fire. At one point, I thought Kai was going to pull his hair out.

He kicked at rocks on the ground. He picked one up and chucked it as far as he could. Then, he stood there and watched the rock fall. I looked down at his fists, which were now blazing. Wisps of smoke curled from his finger tips, and the backs of his hands were red hot.

I finally put my hand on Kai's shoulder, not knowing how he would react. I waited for him to turn around. He turned his head slowly to look at me, and I met his broken gaze. His eyes were full of pain - a terrible pain I couldn't describe.

I could hardly hold his gaze, because it hurt me to see so much brokenness there. His eyes that were normally bright and fierce and confident. Now, Kai seemed dark and weak and vulnerable. The light from the moon glinted off his eyes, reflecting on the tears that piled over, and I shuddered. His eyes were like glass - broken glass.

Kai did something that caught me off-guard. He collapsed into me, gripping my shirt for support, and he started sobbing again. I put my arms around his shoulders, and lifted him into a proper embrace. His head buried into my shoulder. He was shaking.

I needed to get him home. I needed to get him and the others back to the Bounty. Zane and Jay were waiting. Waiting for me to do something. Figure this out.

And Kai...well, he needed to be home. It would be better than here. Better than being in the middle of some, cold desert in the middle of some, cold night.

I would have to move him. I had no doubt that Kai wouldn't move on his own. He wasn't even holding himself up anymore - that was me.

I suddenly felt a great weight on my shoulders. I had felt it before, being the leader. I had felt the weight of responsibility, the protectiveness for my team. But, it had never felt this bad. This terrible. This heavy.

Kai needed me right now. Needed me to be strong. Needed me to be there for him.

I started walking, practically dragging Kai along with me. I walked towards the others, supporting Kai with one arm, now.

We passed _her_ lifeless form. That was my first mistake.

Kai looked up just as we were passing Nya's body. His eyes locked on her, and he let go of my arm, which he had been gripping tightly. He pushed away from me, and flew towards Nya again.

But, I couldn't let him. It wouldn't help him. So, I moved after Kai, grabbed him, and yanked him backwards.

"No!" He screamed, straining against my arms. "No, stop! Let me go!" But, I couldn't let him go.

"I'm sorry, Kai," I mumbled.

He kept screaming. He kicked. He pushed my hands away, but there was no way he could get me to let go.

It felt awful. I didn't want to have to use my unnatural strength against my friend. I didn't want to force him to do anything. But, I had to, for his safety and his wellbeing. If Kai kept looking at Nya's dead body, it would drive him crazy.

"Please, Cole! Please, let me go," Kai pleaded. I couldn't bear the tears on his cheeks. I couldn't bear the pain in his voice.

Zane moved towards us then, his arm around Jay, gently supporting the ninja of lightning, who was silent for the first time in his life. Zane left Jay standing next to me, who looked like he was about to pass out. Kai was struggling weakly in my arms, but I could tell he was losing the strength and the will to fight.

It was so unlike him. Kai never lost the will to fight. But, I took the advantage and left one arm around Kai, the other going around Jay, to support his shaking form. He put his forehead against my shoulder and wept silently.

The difference between Kai's and Jay's reactions was strange. Kai - kicking and screaming and fighting. Jay - silent and crying and shaking. Both were pretty terrifying.

Zane walked up behind me with a bundle in his arms. It took me a minute to realize what, I mean _who_ it was - Nya. I wanted to throw up at the sight of her limp form and her bloodstained shirt.

Kai froze in my arms, just stopped struggling completely, as he saw his dead sister in his teammates hold. Then, he fought back with ten times more force. His hand shoved at my arm and he almost got away, but thankfully I was able to push Jay away lightly, and use both arms to grasp Kai.

"No! No!" Kai sobbed.

I felt his body heat up. His hands were almost burning against mine as he shoved hopelessly. Tears stung my eyes, both sad and angry, but not at Kai. No. It wasn't his fault. None of this was his fault.

"Zane, call Sensei!" I shouted over Kai's screams. "Tell him what happened." More tears slid down my cheeks as I looked between Zane and Nya, and the desperate brother restrained by my arms.

Zane nodded, solemnly, and set Nya's body on the ground. He started speaking into the communicator device around his wrist, and I turned my attention back to Kai.

He was pleading again. "Please, Cole. Please let me go!" He sobbed again.

"I can't, Kai," I said, my throat tight. "I can't let you go. You gotta calm down. Then, I'll let you go. You gotta calm down."

Of course, he didn't calm down. He wanted his sister back. But, she was gone. Forever.

I heard Zane finish his conversation with Sensei, and we watched as the Bounty came into view and began its descent from the sky. Wind blew across the otherwise still landscape, coming off the Bounty's rotors.

As soon as it was on the ground, I started dragging Kai towards the ship. Towards home. He dug his feet into the ground, making it extremely difficult to pull him. I turned my back towards the Bounty, and continued to move.

Zane carried Nya's body and was following close behind me and the kicking-screaming Kai, and Jay was staggering along at a slow pace near the ice ninja. I felt bad. I wanted to help Jay, too, but there was no way I'd be able to support him and a fighting fire ninja.

I thought Kai would tire out, but the whole way to the Bounty was a mess.

"I can't leave her, Cole! I can't leave her," he screamed.

Every time he included my name, I felt ice crawl around my heart. I didn't want Kai to blame me for this. This couldn't be my fault. I wasn't the one who decided Nya should be the one to take the gunmen down.

"We're not leaving her, Kai. I promise. Zane has her. We're not leaving her." I knew that wouldn't help, but it's all I could say.

I didn't think the situation could get any worse. Kai's sister was dead. I was forced to drag my heartbroken friend back to our teacher in an emotionally terrible condition. Then came the gun shots.

* * *

 **I'm just gonna smile and wave.**


	3. Chapter 3: Broken

**Aye, Imma be outie for about 10-12 days, so enjoy this hopefully beautiful chapter!**

 **Thanks for reviews!**

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Chapter 3: Broken

 _"It just hurts..._

 _a lot..."_

* * *

Later, I would beat myself up for not tying up the unconscious gunmen when I had the chance. I hadn't even taken their guns. But, now, as I heard the shots ring out in the midst of Kai's screams, I flipped my head up to peer out into the dark desert. A dark, shadowy figure was outlined against a black sky. One of the gunmen. Holding a gun. Shooting at us.

I wanted to punch myself. How could I be so careless? I couldn't lose another teammate. Not now. Not ever. And not because of this.

"Zane!" I shouted. We made eye contact for a split second, and Zane immediately understood.

The nindroid was running now, pulling Jay along with him. I winced, noticing how out-of-it Jay seemed. But, I couldn't focus on that now. I had to get Kai back to the ship.

Suddenly, the fire ninja twisted around in my arms. He started pulling away from me, and I barely had a grip on Kai's gi.

"What are you doing, Kai? Stop!" I said in frustration.

I pulled him towards me, and flipped him around so I could restrain him from behind. Kai wouldn't stop struggling. I didn't know if it was because Zane had continued on with Nya in his arms, or if it was because of the...gunmen.

Another shower of bullets blurred towards us. I shoved Kai to the ground and jumped on top of him, shielding him and holding him down. The deadly projectile sped over are heads, but wasn't even close to hitting.

I felt an unnatural heat coming from underneath me. Kai's hands were starting to flicker with fire. I jumped up as the bullets were behind us, and yanked Kai up along with me.

"Let me go!" He screamed. He twisted around and shoved a slightly red-hot hand down on my wrist.

"Agh!" I cried, forced to let go.

I clutched my wrist and looked down at the burn marks made in my black ninja gi. When I looked up, Kai was gone. He was speeding in the direction of the gunman, and that's when I knew what he wanted.

He wanted revenge. And of course, as usual, the daring, but fearless fire ninja was going to get himself killed. It was up to me to stop him. Like usual.

I darted after him, praying the gunman wouldn't start shooting again.

My prayers were answered. At least, I was able to grab and haul Kai halfway back to the Bounty before the man decided then was a good time to start shooting. It was difficult work - dodging bullets, pulling Kai, running. Our teammates were yelling and screaming at us to hurry.

"Come on, Cole!" I heard a young voice scream desperately. Lloyd's voice. I was reminded of the kid, and was instantly glad he had not come with us today.

"Cole, you must hurry!" Zane's voice.

"No, he killed my sister! He took her," Kai was crying. The noise was too much to bear. My mind was tugged in all different directions.

I glanced up the Bounty that was beginning to lift off, hovering slightly over the ground. A rope ladder dangled down from the rail. Great. How was I going to get Kai up that?

Suddenly, the loud racket of bullets was silenced. Zane, bless that guy. His ice. The ninja of ice had managed to captured the gunman's hands in ice, and I wondered how he had shot the frozen water so far. He must've been practicing his aim.

Now, I only had to worry about my disheveled best friend. Kai was still crying and kicking and trying to pull away from me, and though I was still much stronger than the fire ninja, my arms were starting to ache a little.

"Please, Cole, I have to...you have to let me go," Kai begged. The repetition of his words and his fighting was exhausting to my system. I knew he was grieving and I was trying to be patient, but it was difficult.

Finally. Finally, I got Kai up to the ship. I thought this difficult day had finally come an end. Of course, I could have never been more wrong.

As I stepped over the rail onto the Bounty deck, I didn't even attempt to let go of Kai. I had no idea what he might try to do.

At the moment, the fire ninja was still fighting weakly in my arms. But, as Kai's fighting was getting weaker, so was my iron grip. I knew I couldn't hold him back forever.

Sensei stepped quickly over to us as I dragged Kai to the middle of the deck. I was about to let him go anyway, but just as my grip loosened ever so slightly, Kai was free. Free and running. He sprinted to the rail on the side of the ship.

I barely had time to process what Kai was doing, before I was sprinting after him, grabbing him, pulling him back, just as his foot was about to push off the railing and let himself jump. Now, I knew Kai must be in a major sense of shock to do something so stupid. We were at least 100 feet off the ground now. A deadly fall.

Those repetitive screams struggled to rise from Kai's throat.  
"No, no! No...no..." The words trailed off, and Kai put his face in his hands, crying, muttering senseless words, now. In short - scaring the living daylights of me. (Not that he hadn't before.)

"Take him to his room." Sensei's voice was soft, fragile almost, as if afraid of breaking the glassy air. Cole did as his teacher suggested, and took Kai inside the Bounty.

He dragged the fire ninja through the living room, glancing up as they passed Zane and Jay sitting silently on the couch. Zane was trying to say comforting words to Jay, but the ninja of lightning didn't give any sign that he heard. My eyes saddened at the thought of Jay's unusual silence.

I would've thought he would be the one sobbing out loud, maybe not fighting like Kai, but still screaming and crying, muttering senseless words. And Kai would've been the one crying silently, maybe trying to hide his feelings. He did that sometimes. It was stupid.

I turned my attention back to Kai. He wasn't struggling anymore. He was shaking, his face streaming with silent tears, but he wasn't fighting anymore, now. Maybe Jay's demeanor was rubbing off on him.

Our room was dark when I kicked open the door. I flipped on the light, using my right hand to hold onto Kai's arm. He stumbled along behind me, until we reached his bed. I stopped for a moment. Kai seemed to cower behind me, like he was scared of his own bed.

"Come on, Kai," I said as gently as I could, gesturing for him to climb up the ladder to his top bunk. Maybe that wasn't the smartest move to make him be up there, but I knew I would want to be in my own bed if I was him.

But, it was like I was talking to a small child. Kai groped for the ladder with his hand, but couldn't seem to find the nearest ring. I gently placed his hand on the rung in front of him.

"There you go," I said."Climb up."

To my relief, he did. He flopped down on his bed, and I turned away, not knowing if if should stay with him or leave him alone. I was scared to leave him by himself, but I also knew that if he started fighting and screaming again, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would go crazy.

In any case, Kai seemed calm now, like he was in a daze. I figured he would be okay for a little while, plus he was probably exhausted. He would fall asleep before he could do anything. So I turned towards the door, flipped off the light switch and was about to walk out when his voice stopped me.

"Cole?" A weak voice cut through the darkness, and I froze, my hand on the doorknob.

"Y...yeah, Kai?" I said.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I said...I said I'm sorry. Really sorry for the way I reacted. It's just that she..." Kai broke off, and I heard his breathing quicken so I knew he was softly crying.

Ice formed in the pit of my stomach. How did I respond to that? I didn't blame Kai for the way he reacted. But, I knew he'd be ashamed of the way he handled himself and lost his grip on things.

"Hey. It's okay, man," I finally said.

"I burnt you, didn't I?"

I glanced down at my throbbing wrist. The burn wasn't horrible, but it still hurt like crazy.

"...it's not that bad," I said cautiously. I wasn't going to lie, but I didn't want to make the situation worse.

Kai said, "But I still burnt you."

I was silent. What could I say? Yeah, he burnt me, but he didn't realize what he was doing-he had just been delirious from grief.

Finally I got myself to say something. "I don't blame you for anything that happened tonight, Kai. You don't need to apologize."

There was silence from him this time, and it didn't seem like Kai was about to say anything. Either he fell asleep or didn't have anything else to say. I was guessing both.


	4. Chapter 4: Night

**I don't have anything to say, so I'm just posting XD**

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Chapter 4: Night

* * *

I left the room quietly, my head throbbing, my heart pounding, and my body shaking. I was exhausted and drained of energy.

This whole mess would have to be sorted out tomorrow, but there was no way I was in the mood to talk to anyone about anything right now. Especially anything concerning Ny-Kai's sister, or the gunmen, or Kai's meltdown.

I walked past Sensei in the hallway, praying he wouldn't stop me. I didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't sure why at the moment, but I really was put off with Sensei. This had been his plan that had failed drastically-I knew he wouldn't directly blame me, but I was afraid he'd condone me for what had happened. I had failed to protect my team. His students.

But, how could he blame me? It wasn't my fault...it couldn't be my fault.

Still I blamed myself.

Couldn't Sensei see that? Wouldn't he know that I was inwardly blaming myself, and didn't need any more condemnation? I was already in enough pain. Leave me alone, Sensei.

And he did, thankfully. I walked slowly back into the living room. Zane and Jay hadn't moved-besides the fact that Jay was now sleeping with his head on the armrest.

I plopped down into the old armchair near the couch. Zane looked up and met my gaze. He looked tired, worn down from watching Jay silently mourn.

We acknowledged each other for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say, or else realizing we weren't in the mood for talking. Finally, I guess Zane felt like he should say something, so he said,

"Is Kai asleep?"

"I hope so."

"I have never seen him so broken, before."

I had to bite back a bitter reply. I wanted to say "and why do you think that is?". But I knew that was just my nerves speaking. Instead I said as calmly as I could,

"Me neither."

"I do not like to see either him or Jay this way."

"Me neither."

"And I sense you are grieving as well, Cole. Are you alright?"

That probing gaze was unsettling. I wanted to snap at Zane again, "you think?". Of course I'm grieving Tin Can. I was obviously not alright.

But, I forced down the bitterness and irritation. I took a deep breath, and leaned back in the chair with my eyes closed.

"No," I said. My voice sounded weak and croaky to my own ears. "I'm not okay, Zane."

"I do not suppose there is anything I can do to help," Zane said as more of a statement then a question.

"Unless you can bring Nya back, there's nothing."

My voice cracked over Nya's name. Don't take this the wrong way, though. I loved Nya like a sister, a best friend, part of the family. She was (had been) Jay's girlfriend, and I was perfectly happy with that. But now...I felt like I had lost my little sister. It was horrible.

She was like the little sister in a family of older brothers and a grandpa. No offense to Sensei. But imagine a girl having all these older brothers that feel extremely protective towards her (one of them being her actual brother), and then the "grandpa" sends the girl out in her suit of armor to beat off the bad guys.

But then, the little sister ends up getting killed, and all the older brothers are grieving deeply and blaming themselves for her death and forcing themselves to believe that if only...if only they had acted quicker or smarter or stronger, she would still be alive.

If only we had saved Nya, she wouldn't be dead.

* * *

That night was a nightmare. I finally managed to drift off to sleep at some point, lying on the stiff mattress on my comfort-forsaken bottom bunk next to the door. But I woke up some time later to a soft sound that I couldn't quite make out until I really listened.

Whimpers. Soft, scared. Tentative, at first. They turned into words, small pleads, and my exhausted, half-asleep brain couldn't fully figure out who's voice it was. Until he screamed.

The ear-piercing, heart-shattering cry broke through the dark room. I jolted up, fully awake now and hitting my head on the bottom of the top bunk. Without stopping to think about the pain, I threw off the covers and ran to the bunk bed on the far side of the room. Maybe I wasn't fully awake. I hit my shin on Lloyd's twin bed in the middle of the room as I passed.

Kai's screams turned into sobs and as I climbed up, he backed into the wall, blubbering something that I couldn't make out. The others had most definitely woken up, but I couldn't focus on them now.

"Kai! Kai, stop! It's okay!" He thrashed at me, and I had to dodge, narrowly missing getting kicked in the jaw by a flailing limb. I reached forward and managed to press Kai's arms into the wall. He screamed and tried to fight back. "Kai, look at me! You were dreaming! Wake up!"

No response. His screams turning into sobs, my heart shattering, unrelenting strength failing, grip loosening until I fell back on my heels and watched my friend break. Jay's head peeked over the side of the bed. Subconsciously, I reached down to pat his head, like he was a small, lost puppy. Zane came to the rescue once again, quickly understanding what was happening, and guiding Jay by the shoulders towards the door. He took Lloyd by the hand, and they all left.

I turned my gaze back to Kai. It had only been one night. Not even a full one. And I was so _tired._ I took a deep breath, though. Kai needed me. Right now, I could do something, to make this better for all of us. I had to try. But yelling hadn't worked, so...what, then?

Another deep breath. I reached forward and touched Kai's shoulder. He was trembling from broken sobs that were beginning to ebb into hiccups and whimpers.

"Kai, it's okay," I said as softly as I could. As softly as I had ever spoken to him. "Look at me." The sniffles stopped. The trembling lessened, but was still there in his tense shoulders.

But he looked up slowly, and our eyes met, only by the filtered moonlight. I don't know what mine looked like-probably just plain old brown filled with concern and fear and uncertainty and grief and worry. I do remember what Kai's eyes looked like. Shimmering hazel gold like glowing embers, but that night, missing the spark. Like dead (I hate that word) lifeless (that one too) coals.


	5. Chp 5: Silent Screams and Broken Dreams

**Here ya go, lovelies! ;D**

* * *

Chapter 5: Silent Screams and Broken Dreams

 _"In silent screams_

 _and wildest dreams,_

 _I never dreamed_

 _of this."_

* * *

"Yeah, it's okay," I had said, feeling like the biggest liar in the universe. _(Everything was most certainly not okay.)_ My arms were around him, and he was leaning into me, still shaking, but not sobbing anymore. "You should go back to sleep, okay?" I told him softly, using one hand to run my fingers through his disheveled hair.

He seemed to freeze at the gentle touch. Probably because he wasn't used to it coming from me. I wasn't either. But he seemed to need it, if only to realize that someone was here for him, somewhere cared for him. _(Someone understood._ )

"I don't wanna sleep," he mumbled sleepily as he leaned into my shoulder. Another shudder ran through him, and he pressed his face further into my arm.

Why did he keep shuddering? It was freaking me out. Then a thought hit me. "Are you cold?" Normally heat was radiating from Kai; why hadn't I noticed how ice cold his skin felt?

"Mmm," he mumbled. "N'really." Lies. He shuddered again as he said it, so that didn't help his case.

I sat up straight from where I'd been slouched against the wall. I moved my arm from his shoulder for a split second and was about to climb down the ladder, saying, "Come on, why don't we..."

"No!" Kai said frantically. "Don't leave!" He lunged forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me back from the edge of his bed. I was stunned and frozen as he curled into me, gripping my gi tightly like a scared child, then whispering, "Please, don't leave me," so quietly that I barely made out the terrified voice. There was an unspoken sentence behind that. _(Not like her.)_

His breathing became uneven. I realized he was sobbing again. Kai...Kai was so vulnerable, so scared...I'd never in my life seen him like this, never in a million years would've thought I'd see him like this, clinging to me like I was his lifeline, begging me not to leave as if he was scared of being alone, reaching up to place my hand on top of his head so I could stroke his hair again.

I never would've thought I'd see the master of fire broken.

But he was.

* * *

In this moment, I wanted to go into an empty room and scream and sob and pull my hair out and throw vases and glass and breakable things around like they do in the movies when someone's upset. I couldn't stand the pressure on my heart, or rather the gaping hole that was left from how much it was aching. It was like my heart was reaching for something that wasn't there. Something was missing and I couldn't fix it and that was the worst possible feeling you could ever feel. It was so unbearable that i couldn't breathe, and if Kai hadn't been sobbing loud enough and gripping my shirt tight enough to snap me out of my near panic attack, I'm sure I would've hyperventilated.

It was just...so much grief that I hadn't been able to let out yet. Trying to be strong...NEEDING to be strong for my team. And there was Kai, breaking right in front of me and I couldn't stop it. Just like I couldn't stop the bullets. Or the gunmen. Or the death...or any of the BAD THINGS THAT HAD HAPPENED TO MY TEAM IN THE LAST TWENTY FOUR HOURS. WHY WAS I SO HELPLESS...SO STUPID, SO...

"Cole?" I was shocked out of my startlingly dark thoughts. When my head snapped up, I expected to see Kai staring at me. Instead, he was staring at someone else, his grip on my shirt loosening. Lloyd.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kai duck his head back down so it rested on his knees. He let go of me, and I realized he probably didn't want the kid to see that he'd been crying.

"What is it, Lloyd?" My voice was hoarse and raspy as if I _had_ been screaming.

"I...I just wanted to see if Kai was okay. And you." He glanced down at the floor, and I could only see the top of his blond head.

I slammed my head back against the wall and sighed. What was I supposed to say? The kid was ten. But I couldn't lie to him either, because what would that teach him?

"Where's Zane?" I finally asked.

"Jay had a panic attack, and he told me to go get Sensei, then see how you and Kai were doing."

My eyes bulged. Jay had a panic attack? And I wasn't there to help? A sick feeling settled in my stomach as I realized for the millionth time this night that I couldn't help everyone. I couldn't be the leader I wanted (and needed) to be. I couldn't be the hero. BUT WHY?! WHY WASN'T I THERE TO HELP HIM?

"Is he alright?" Not my question. Kai's. He sounded...normal. Intelligible. Stable.

I stared at him. Another realization hit me, and I wanted to scream internally again. This was getting old. I wasn't there to help Jay, because I was helping Kai. Kai had needed me, and that was just as important as helping Jay. And I was only one person. I could only stretch myself so far, so thin. But that's what teammates were for; Zane was able to help Jay even when I couldn't. Sensei was able to help. And I just needed to admit to myself that even though I'm the leader, I can't do everything. But I can do some things. And I just need help to do the rest.

Lloyd had nodded at Kai's question. "Now he is. Sort of. I'll go check." He raced off and I barely got out,

"No, Lloyd, wait-" before he was out the door.

To my surprise (a lot of surprises today), Kai followed the kid. He hopped off the bunk as if he hadn't just been sobbing and pleading like a scared little kid moments ago, and stalked out the bedroom door. I had nothing to do but follow them.

* * *

 **Not my best work.** **It's alright, I guess. Idk. It's you that gets to decide in the reviews! Sorry it's been a while! Y'all are the best!**


	6. Chapter 6: Confusion

**Here 'tis. Sorry if it's crappy:/**

* * *

Chapter 6: Confusion

 _(Breathe in the familiar shock_

 _of confusion_

 _and chaos._

 _~ Give Me Your Eyes -_

 _Brandon Heath)_

* * *

When I walked into the living room, Jay was in the corner, hugging his knees, rocking back and forth, and whimpering. Zane was standing by the couch, watching him, and I only realized why when I got closer. Kai was kneeling in front of the blue ninja, whispering words I couldn't understand, words that Jay didn't even respond to at first. But then Kai said something else, which I barely caught.

"I'm gonna miss her too."

Jay looked up then. I could see the moment their eyes met, Jay's ocean blue orbs flooded with pain but also relief (as if he was happy just to find someone who related to him, someone who shared his burden).

I couldn't see Kai's eyes, but I knew what I'd see if I could. Instead of the broken gaze I'd seen, they'd be filled with compassion. With sorrow, but with strength. Trying to be strong for his brother. Trying to keep it together for his brother. Trying to be the invincible big brother who never cries just so the younger brother won't be scared. I wondered if that's how he was when him and Ny...him and Nya were growing up. After their parents died. After all, Kai seemed pretty darn good at keeping up a brave front.

Then Jay flung his arms around Kai and started sobbing. Kai gingerly hugged him back, whispering words in his ear as if comforting a child but clutching the back of Jay's gi so Zane and I could see how much this wasn't just for Jay. Kai needed it himself. Needed someone to comfort in order to forget about his own pain. I sighed. Zane looked back at me.

"Should we..." he gestured toward the pair. Jay's sobs were dialing down, but he didn't seem to be letting go anytime soon.

"I...give them a few more minutes. Then we should all get some rest." Zane nodded solemnly, before turning to Lloyd who was sitting on the couch so silently I'd almost forgotten he was there.

"Come, Lloyd. You should get some rest, too." He took the boy's hand (even though Lloyd was 10 and _not_ a little kid anymore, he insisted) and led him to our room. Good ole Zane. Lloyd didn't even complain tonight.

I heard footsteps behind me, and I tensed. Something in me was still mad at Sensei. And I wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody, him least of all. I felt an old, gentle hand on my shoulder and still I refused to look at him. My eyes were trained on my two broken teammates comforting each other _(when that should be my job)_. My fists were clenched.

But Sensei didn't speak to me. He waited until Zane entered again, standing in the entry to the hallway. Then he addressed all of us.

"The funeral is tomorrow, my students." His voice sounded older than usual (which wasn't saying much). "Get some rest." He turned around and left.

I gaped. That's it? THAT'S ALL WE GET? I wanted to scream. HE WAS THE ONE THAT ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN! These are HIS STUDENTS! HIS SONS, as he had told us! And now he turns around as if nothing happened, no attempt at an apology, no comforting words, just bluntly stating that the funeral is tomorrow? How could he? How DARE he? To barely glance at his students who sat crying on the floor, the ones who'd worked their butts off for him since the day they met him, the ones who's complete and utter loyalty belonged to him, the ones who treated him with upmost RESPECT? WHY WAS I - AT 19 years old - FORCED TO BE LEADER BY THE HIGHER LEADER AND THEN LEFT TO BE THE ONLY LEADER? Did Sensei expect us to fight and die for him like dogs? Was that how he always was? How he always had been?

I sunk down on the couch, disbelief written all over my face. I knew I wasn't thinking rationally. That my own grief was turning into blind rage threatening to suffocate me. But at the moment I couldn't bring myself to care. My grief-based anger had to be channeled somewhere and Sensei just happened to be the reasonable target in my mind. After all, he was the one who...no, I _had_ to stop thinking about this. I _had_ to think about the issue at hand.

I turned my gaze to my two colorfully clad brothers on the floor. My back stiffened and I subconsciously gripped the fabric of the couch between tight fingers. It hurt _so bad._ So bad to see them like this.

Jay. The Master of Lightning. _("That's not all I'm the master of. I do a little inventing, dabble in model-building, touch of cooking, a little poetry...)_ His laughter - replaced by sobs. His smile - replaced by tears. His incessant stupid jokes and random sporadic comments replaced by wordlessness. His energy and light...gone in a whirlwind of pain.

Kai. The _Master_ of Fire. (A ninja never admits defeat. A ninja always picks himself up when he's down.) His sarcasm - replaced by screams. His petty hotheadedness - replaced by rage. His passion and loyalty and fire - replaced by pain. His heart and soul...replaced with a broken one.

And to see my teammates like this. To see me friends like this. To see...my _little_ _brothers_ like this...

It broke me, too.


	7. Chapter 7: Saving, Blinding, Choking

**Only did a tad of editing, sorry not sorry XD**

 **I just wanted to get his up for y'all! Sorry for the long wait!**

 **Hope you guys like this extra long chapter. I certainly do!**

* * *

Chapter 7: Saving, Blinding, Choking

 _(And to see my teammates like this._

 _To see me friends like this._

 _To see...my little brothers like this..._

 _It broke me, too._

 _~ Previous Chapter)_

* * *

Waking up the next morning was on the list of hardest things I've ever had to do. Which was saying something considering I'd spent the previous night dragging my hysterical best friend back to our ship after witnessing the death of our teammate, his _sister,_ who was brutally killed in a mission gone wrong. Then I'd had to comfort him after a nightmare that left him crying out and fighting in his sleep, only to have the youngest member of our eclectic family come running in to say that another little brother of mine was having a panic attack. Don't even get me started on how helpless I felt, or the anger I felt (and continued to feel) towards our so-called Sensei.

But waking up was hard. About two hours ago, I'd had to break up Jay and Kai's grieving session so I could wash the blood off Kai's hands (which I'd stupidly neglected to do before going to sleep the first time). Then I proceeded to stumble to our bedroom to finally (hopefully) get some sleep. My hand gripped Kai's arm to help him along. I checked that everyone was settled in, including Zane, before collapsing into bed only to wake up now...with three hours of sleep for my exhausted body.

My eyes felt like led as I struggled to open them. Light filtered through the blinds on the window, and for a moment all the tragedies of yesterday slipped from my mind. Then I remembered.

I sat up straight. A sick feeling welled up in my gut, churning, digesting, like acid flooding through me. This couldn't be happening. Now that the first shock of everything was over and I had time to truly think, the weight of everything that had happened hit me dead on.

A teammate had died last night. Kai's _sister_ had died last night. Jay's _girlfriend._ Andmyfriends were broken. This loss had rocked their world, shaken them so hard that the pieces of their heart that were kept together by the people they loved came loose. _(Jay's light was dimmed, Kai's fire was quenched.)_

Someone had to fix this. Someone had to help them heal.

And I knew that someone had to be me.

I put aside the feeling of my own grief threatening to make me sick. The room was dead silent, only filled with the faint, comforting breaths of my teammates. _(Comforting, because...well, it's a nice although harsh reminder of what I still have with me,_ _ **who**_ _I still have.)_

Lloyd was asleep in the single twin bed in the middle of the room, his arms and legs sprawled in every direction.

Zane wasn't in his bed, but I wasn't too worried. He was an early riser and didn't need much sleep anyway as nindroid. Plus he was probably up making a nice breakfast in an attempt to add something good to come out of this day.

But, Kai. That worried me. His bed was abandoned, the sheets hanging over the edge precariously. I shut my eyes tight in worry for a moment before leaping out of bed, trying to hold myself back from flying around the Bounty like a madman shouting for my brother.

I double-checked that Jay was still soundly asleep before beginning a very calm, very collected search. Nice and easy, like I was nonchalant.

He was on deck, naturally. Whenever he was upset, Kai would come here, so I usually knew where to find him. I'd just been worried that this time...he would've...gone a little further...or something.

And Zane wasn't cooking breakfast like I would've thought. No. He was with Kai this time, getting a handle on the situation, which I was grateful for.

They looked pretty peaceful, anyway, Zane talking softly with Kai seeming to be tuning in, even as he studied the fluorescent sunrise. The breeze was cool, brushing my hair gently across my forehead, rustling Kai's spikes and hardly affecting Zane's.

I caught Zane's eye. A silent exchange happened. Ending with me sighing in relief and nodding as I realized everything was going well between them.

I slipped back inside before Kai even saw me. _(Guess being a ninja helped with that.)_

* * *

Zane's POV

My concern for my red-clad brother in arms heightened when I sensed he was missing from bed this morning. There was no doubt his emotional distress could cause him to make rash decisions at a time like this. I did not wish anything else to happen to any member of my family.

I slipped from bed silently, hoping not to wake my other brothers. They needed as much sleep as they could get.

The morning air was chilled as I stepped out onto the deck, but it did not bother me. I had thought it would have bothered Kai, but he appeared comfortable as I neared him leaning against the rail.

"Good morning, Kai," I said as warmly as possible. I knew he might not respond well to conversation at this moment.

He just nodded politely. I could tell he was not feeling the need to speak. Or at least not wishing to.

But I tried again. "Were you able to rest well last night, brother?"

My normally fiery brother looked at me with dark, hollow eyes that appeared to answer my question. It was a look I had learned to pick up as meaning, _what do you think?_ He did not in fact, sleep well last night.

I sighed. My heart ached for my brother in a way I did not know was possible for me. It was as if my father had built something special in me, something that normal humans may call... _empathy, was it?_ Thus, I was able to feel the pain of my brothers, hurting when they were hurting, as they would do for me.

"Nya was a friend of mine, too, Kai." The fire ninja tensed at the sound of his sister's name. I cautiously continued. "I have never had a little sister, but I liked to think of her as one. And as the pain of losing a little sister is devastating and sharp to me, I cannot imagine what it must feel like for you." At that moment I saw Cole appear from beneath the Bounty. I caught his eye and nodded; _I had this under control. He'd done enough so far._

"No, crap, Zane," Kai replied in what I had learned to be _a sarcastic tone._ "I'm sorry, but this isn't helping. I'd like to be alone."

I was silent for a moment, but I was reluctant to leave. Suppose my brother desired to be alone in order to injure himself? I did not wish to falsely accuse my brother, but I did not wish to take chances either.

 _"_ I just want to help, Kai. Do not start pushing people away." I did not want my brother to feel alone.

"I'm not pushing people away!" Kai burst out. "It's been less than a day, Zane! I need a minute alone! Please!" Kai's voice cracked over _please_. He looked at me with eyes full of anguish and even annoyance, as if he w

"I...I see. Sorry for bothering you, brother. I will be inside if you need me." I came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could for him at this moment. Pushing him to talk would only further escalate the situation. Pushing him to talk would only hurt him more. And I, in no way, wished to do that. Not when he was hurting so strongly already.

* * *

Cole's POV

Breakfast was dead silent. No one seemed to want to eat. I'd had to force Kai to even sit with us in the dining room rather than going back to bed. Jay and Lloyd just swirled their breakfast of scrambled eggs and fruit around on their plates. I realized, no matter how much I didn't want to eat (I felt like puking just from looking at the food), I had to set an example for my brother's.

I dug my form into a pile of eggs and shoved in my mouth, trying to ignore my queasy stomach.

"These eggs are great, Zane. How do you manage to make even scrambled eggs taste this good?" I didn't know if I was trying to make the others feel better or break the silence for my own good.

Zane seemed to catch on with what I was doing. I also noticed Jay's eyes on me, along with Lloyd's. However, Kai didn't even flinch, but kept on staring at his full plate with his arms crossed against his chest. I swallowed painfully. Thankfully Zane saved me from having to speak.

"I may have picked up a few tricks over the years. I am glad you like them, brother." He forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

My attempt at a reciprocating smile was more like a grimace. I shoved another bite in my mouth, barely getting it down my throat.

* * *

 _An hour later_.

"I won't frickin wear it!" Kai screamed at me, fists clenched, face tight with defiance and etched with underlying pain.

"Kai, you have to! It's her funeral!" I had tried to be sensitive, gentle, but that tactic never worked with Kai. Not even now.

"It doesn't matter, I won't put on that...thing."

"What, a suit? Why are you so scared of it?" I raised an eyebrow, holding up the dress overcoat in my hand.

"I am not scared of it. I just don't want to wear it." Kai folded his arms and looked away, slightly calmer than before but still fuming. Maybe this was his way of covering up the pain, fighting and anger. I took a deep breath.

"Kai, I know it hurts. Just stop fighting it. You can't have one night of grief and expect it to all go away the next day. You have to-"

"Let it out?" Kai sneered. "If that's what you're gonna say, I don't want to have this conversation. I already _'let it out,'_ Cole. I'm fine now."

"That's it? You're fine? No way, Kai. There's no way in _heck_ you're fine. But I won't press you. Either put this on or disrespect your sister. But choose quickly. It's time to leave."

I did my part. I know it was harsh, but that was the only thing that seemed to work on Kai. He didn't always follow orders directly, but if given a choice, if given the honest conditions, he'd make the right decision in the end. Usually.

I was scared to leave Kai alone below deck. But the others were waiting above, and I needed to check that they were all ready.

The frigid wind caught me off guard when I stepped up the last stair to the deck. For a moment my neatly combed hair went flying and my own overcoat swished around me.

The others were waiting in a solemn, shivering line. Beside Zane. He didn't mind the cold so much.

I did a once-over on the nindroid, knowing he could handle himself but double checking anyway. He wore a white tuxedo set over an ice blue dress shirt with a neat silk gray bow tie.

Jay was next to him, shivering, looking more depressed and disheartened than I'd ever seen him. Even though it was justified and to be expected, his lonely and lost look caught completely caught me off guard. My heart ached again. Terribly.

But he was dressed in a black suit set, a darker blue dress shirt underneath complete with a black tie. His hair was neatly combed to the side.

Next was little Lloyd. He wore a black miniature tux over a green v-neck t-shirt with a black bow tie.

I would've grinned if that situation hadn't been so morbid. "Lloyd? Why exactly are you wearing a t-shirt with your tux?" I asked, eyebrow quirked. Other than that, his blond hair was combed and he looked put together enough for a ten-year-old.

The kid shrugged. "It's how Kai would wear it." Again, I would've chuckled at that. But I only managed a weak smile and ruffled Lloyd's hair.

That left Sensei and Kai. I wasn't about to go looking for Sensei. He seemed to be handling himself just fine, and I didn't know what I would do or say if I saw him again soon. But, Kai. I figured I better go check on him. I hoped against hopes that he hadn't buried himself back under the covers. Or worse.

* * *

Kai's POV

I stared at myself in the mirror, attempting to tie the tie properly around my neck, attempting to block out the black, blinding pain in my head. And the pain in my stomach, which growled at me. But that wasn't the source of the pain. The sinking pain was the hollow in my gut, as if a string were tied around my waist, pulling me backwards. As if I were on a never-ending drop of a roller coaster. It was the emptiness of something missing.

And there was the pain in my chest, the gaping hole in my heart...which was throbbing...and pounding. All too painfully.

I tried to ignore it. I had to be strong. That's what she would want. Those had basically been some of her last words. _Don't cry, Kai. Mother always told us not to cry._

In my heart, I knew my mother never meant that in a harsh way. She wasn't against us showing emotion. Simply, she was telling us everything was going to be alright, so we didn't need to cry.

But my mind told me she was telling me to be strong, to suck it up and shove down the pain. _Don't cry, Kai. Mother always told us not to cry. Because c_ _rying makes you weak._

So I didn't cry. I had cried enough the night before, but never again. This was hard enough on Jay, on Lloyd. On Cole and Zane. I knew the latter two felt like they had to babysit me. Which was not an option anymore. _I_ _was fine. YOU HEAR ME? F. I. N. E. FINE.. They could go BABYSIT someone else. Like Jay. Or Lloyd. Just anyone but me._

I pulled too hard on my tie and gagged as I nearly choked myself. I ripped the stupid thing off, threw it on the bathroom floor, and stormed out.


	8. Chapter 8: Bitter Cold

**Didn't even edit since I just wanted to post...haha hope you enjoy and it's not to trashy:)**

* * *

Chapter 8: Bitter Cold

 _("That old cold time_

 _when they owned the mountain_

 _and nothing seemed wrong._

 _~ Annie Proulx)_

* * *

Cole's POV

I walked down the hallway that led towards the bathrooms and bunk rooms. My fists clenched and un-clenched repeatedly. I hoped Kai wouldn't make this too hard; I wasn't sure how I'd react to another outburst at this moment. Honestly, I was prepared to drag him out the door without caring if he was wearing a tux or pj's. Anything to get him there, hopefully without a fight.

But the unexpected always happens. It wasn't necessarily baaad...just unexpected. Kai walked straight into my chest as I neared the bathroom at the same time he was leaving. The collision was hard enough that he would've been sent sprawling to the ground if I hadn't snatched his arm and hauled him back up.

"Woah, sorry, didn't see you buddy," I said. He halfway glanced up from brushing himself off.

"Obviously," he scoffed. His features were tight, like he was withholding a secret or keeping something at bay, and I noticed his tie was missing.

"Where's your tie?" I almost didn't ask; I shouldn't have. But I didn't know what else to say.

"What, the suit's not enough?" Kai growled, looking up at me with challenging eyes. But pained. I could see it. "You just can't get enough of pushing us around, can you?" He walked away from me before I get another word out, my mouth agape.

* * *

 _8:03 a.m. Ninjago Cemetery Grounds_

It wasn't raining. You would've thought it would be raining at a funeral. The mood is right for it. But actually I thought this setting, this weather, fit the occasion much better. After all, some people like rain. But next to no one appreciates wind. Howling, piercing, shuddering, wailing wind racing through the bare trees. Whisking our coats around us, freezing our fingers, ruffling our hair. It was gray, it was bitter, it was cold. No, try freezing. There wasn't even snow to make the cold worthwhile.

Rows of chairs stretched out before me. Surprisingly, a lot of people were coming. Probably because we were the ninja, and Ny...she was the samurai that had helped us save the city (and the world) numerous times. People knew who she was and apparently word had spread fast of what had happened.

But I stood at the back, Kai on my right, Jay on my left, while Zane and Lloyd were on the ends of our little row. We were waiting. Waiting for the hearse to arrive with the casket. Waiting to move the casket from the black, menacing vehicle, down the aisle, and place by the altar. Waiting to bury one of the most important girls in all of our lives. A friend, a girlfriend, an older sister...a little sister.

The thought of this made my throat tight and I glanced over at Kai. He was trying so hard. So hard to remain cool, collected, hard, nonchalant. But I could easily read between the lines. There was a darkness in and surrounding his eyes, there was a hollowness to his face from him biting his cheek, and a tightness in his jaw as he clenched it together so hard I was scared it would shatter. No one else but a mother, a sister, or a best friend would notice these things. And as the leader of this team, I had gotten pretty good at reading their emotions.

I sucked in a breath, flexed my fingers to keep the blood flowing through them. The bitter cold was causing them to be stiff, and I knew that'd make it hard to hold the casket when it arrived. My heart lurched when I heard the crackling of tires on gravel. For a moment, I couldn't even look back to watch the hearse arrive. In the end, I forced myself to, knowing I needed to be ready to complete this task. This mission.

I realized that thinking of this as a mission helped some of the pain to ebb. This was just another obstacle we had to climb over, just another battle we had to fight. But in my heart, in gut (which was clenching furiously in an effort not to puke), I knew that it was so much more. This battle wasn't physical. We couldn't just _fight_ our way through this. That's what made this so hard for me. I couldn't just wave my scythe a fix everything. I couldn't just shake the ground and save everybody from drowning. I couldn't just yell a battle cry and win this emotionally-waging war.

So, I went through motions, my heart as numb as my fingers and toes. We carried her casket from the hearse to the altar, all of us clenching our jaws, steely-eyed, trying not to think about the precious _(dead)_ cargo we were carrying. And we half-heartedly listened to the preacher's attempt at comforting words.

Kai went up to give his speech. I watched his inner turmoil play across his face as he prepared to speak. I watched his face pale, his fists clench, and the deep breath in that he took. I watched him start to speak, stumble over his words, the march stiffly (and very quickly) off the stage and not stop until he was far away from the altar and the crowd of people watching his every move with sympathetic eyes.

I went after him.

"Kai, Kai, hey." His back was to me as I hurried to catch up. His fingers were woven through his hair, clutching the brown strands tightly. I touched his shoulder and spun him around to look at me. He looked up, letting his hands fall to his sides.

"I can't do this, I can't, okay? So don't try to make me go back up there. I can't do it!" The panic and anger was evident in his voice.

"Alright, alright, hey. I didn't come out here to make you go back up there. You don't have to if you don't want to. No one's forcing you to do anything, so first of all, calm down," I commanded gently. I took a deep breath, worried that what I was about to say might just set him off again. "But Kai, I don't want you to regret not doing this. I get that you're scared, and hurting, but whatever it is you're feeling, are you sure you want that to get in the way of dedicating a few last words to your sister? Are you sure you want to miss this opportunity to receive closure?"

"Nothing is going to give me closure. Especially not immediately after it happened. I still haven't even grasped the fact that she's gone!"

"I hear you, bro. But I also know you have something good to say. And if you can't do it for yourself, at least do it for the rest of us. Do it for Lloyd. Do it for Jay. Do it for Nya. They need to hear comforting words from someone that they love. Not just some stranger preacher, though his words were appreciated. They need to hear it from you, Kai. That's all I'm saying. It's up to you to decide. I'll support you either way." I started backing away to the sea of black-clad people. I hoped I hadn't pushed Kai too hard into getting back up there. I just knew that if he didn't, he would hate himself even more, he would beat himself up for the rest of his life, and I couldn't let that happen.

And he got back up there. Right as I was sitting back down, I watched Kai, hands in his pockets, get back up on that stage in front of everyone (there was probably several hundred people there), and speak for his sister.

"Nya...Nya was not just my sister. She was my confidant, my comforter, my best friend. Even though I always felt the strong responsibility to...protect her...she was always quietly protecting me. In her own way. I never gave her credit for how strong she was. I knew she was, but part of that scared me. I didn't want her going out in the world to fight, believing she was strong, because then she'd put herself in evermore dangerous situations. But...I knew I couldn't protect her from everything. I knew someday, there would be a time when I couldn't...couldn't save her." His voice cracked and I winced for him. "And even still, I am proud of her. She saved so many people through this...this sacrifice. Those men would've kept coming, kept growing in numbers until taking over Ninjago. And you'd better all remember what she did for you. Or...or so help me." He was fighting for control, glancing down at us in our front row seats. I met his eyes and nodded in assurance, also sort of telling him that it was okay to wrap it up. "And...and I thank you all for being here in remembrance of my little sister, Nya, a hero of Ninjago."

A cheer went up, but all I felt was dread. None of my team clapped. None of us smiled. I think we were all too focused on the single tear streaking our red ninja's face as he squeezed his eyes shut to keep the rest from falling.


	9. Chapter 9: Stars

**Hello, my friends. It's a beautiful, rainy day and I thought I'd crank out an oh-so-fitting, sad snippet for you.**

 **This chapter just breaks me. My poor babies...**

 **You all get to see what it's like for Kai and Jay when the grieve in silence, alone. These are their favorite places to be when they need to grieve and don't want anyone to bother them. Of course, Kai is in the bunk room that he shares with all the guys but, usually no one bothers him too much, the respect his need for occasional solitude.**

 **Anyway sorry for the lengthy introduction. Hope you enjoy:)**

* * *

Chapter 9: Stars

 _("Only in the darkness_

 _can you see_

 _the_ _stars._

 _~ Martin Luther King Jr)_

* * *

Kai's POV

I didn't know how long I stared at the ceiling from my top bunk. It was really quite fascinating. Swirls of caramel brown, mousy brown, and chocolate brown made up the wooden boards. My eyes traced faces in the lines, most looking like deformed clowns or withered ghosts.

My throat and mouth were dry, feeling like sand paper. I supposed I hadn't drank anything since this morning. If I even did. I didn't remember. I didn't care.

Along with the dryness of my throat, my stomach grumbled. Complaining, hungry. I dismissed it. Uncaring. , unfeeling. Numb. At least the gnawing pain in my stomach helped distract me from the stabbing, gaping pain in my chest.

A choked sob found its way into my throat. Images flashed behind my closed eyelids. I saw her, golden light flooding her features as we worked in the shop while the sun set behind us. Her innocent eyes looked up at me, trusting, smiling, happy. Alive.

And again, I died inside.

* * *

Jay's POV

The distant horizon was shades of dark to light blue, streaked with silvery clouds. Above me, the sky continuously darkened, a few starts beginning to peak out their heads. My heart pounded in my chest.

I sat on the look out post, my feet dangling over the edge, dangling high above the deck below. It was peaceful up here with the royal twilight and the stillness and the silence and the light breeze that tousled my hair with gentle fingers.

But my heart throbbed. My eyes stung, and my hands so tightly gripped her sword that the engraved pattern of the hilt left an imprint.

This wasn't the sword she used in battle. Usually she didn't even use a sword since she had her suit. But the beautifully designed weapon had caught her eye at a shop in a Ninjago village we had visited sometime back. Naturally, I had Kai distract her long enough for me to purchase the sword. I gave it to her for her birthday. Her face and lit up and she absolutely beamed and when she looked at me her eyes shone with joy and love as she exclaimed,

"You remembered!" Not surprised as though she thought I couldn't be thoughtful, but appreciative and ecstatic as though no one had ever listened to her so carefully before.

I think I was beaming and blushing more than her when she planted a sweet kiss on my cheek. The guys made fun of me and eventually avoided me when I didn't shower for a week.

The memory faded as I felt a sharp pain in my heart, a shot to my soul. She was gone. My beautiful Nya...no longer living. No longer with me.

One tear streaked down my cheek and dripped from my perch all the way down to the deck. I looked up at the stars.

 _Why?_ I wanted to scream. _Why her? Why now? Why ever?!_

But I didn't scream. I didn't want to alarm the others who would surely hear me. Instead I put a shaky head over my aching chest, then looked down at the ground and cried, covering my face in my hands.

Nya had loved the stars.

* * *

 **poor babies...I'm so sorry**


	10. Chapter 10: Thank You

**This chapter's short and sweet, but I'm gettin back into this story so yay!**

 **Hope you enjoy:)**

* * *

Chapter 10: Thank You

* * *

Cole's POV

My hands gripped the rail so tightly my knuckles were white. The cool night breeze lightly tousled my hair, as I gazed out at the dark sky. It was a pretty night, a night we normally would've spent stargazing on the deck, Kai and Jay cracking jokes left and right, little Lloyd desperately trying to join in and be one of the guys. Zane and I would just chill, attempting to enjoy the peace, but never quite succeeding. Sometimes we'd look at each other and I'd roll my eyes fondly at our younger brothers' antics.

She would come out at some point, probably whenever she felt it was late enough and cold enough. She'd say something about "you guys will freeze! Plus there's early training tomorrow, get some sleep." Kai and Jay (and Lloyd) would complain, and she'd just roll her eyes, standing her ground.

Eventually Jay (and Kai and Lloyd) were able to coax her to stay and join us, so she'd lay down next to her boyfriend and we'd all look up. Somehow, she made it all fall silent. Kai and Jay didn't make a sound.

I guess she had that good kinda influence on us all.

* * *

Zane's POV

It was late, I knew, but I remained in the Bounty's kitchen preparing a special breakfast. I had decided that due to the recent, saddening circumstances, my meals needed to be deliberately more special. My hopes were to brighten my brothers' faces at least for a moment. It saddened me to see their pain, and it saddened me to think I had lost a sister. Cooking was a way for me to create something, to make people happy. Thus, I stayed up until half-last 1 preparing, desiring to do anything to see my brothers smile again.

I remembered the time she kindly pointed out that I was wearing a pink apron. At first I was confused, because _what was wrong with that?_ She continued to gently explain that, "if you don't want to get a lot of digs from the guys, I'd suggest you don't wear an apron while you cook. At least not that one." She smiled and patted my shoulder before dipping a finger in the chocolate cake batter I'd been stirring.

"Mmm," she sighed. "Tastes as good as ever, Zane."

"Thank you, Nya," I had said.

And _thank you, Nya_ , I said now. _For being such a good friend._

* * *

 **Question, did you like the little memories each of them had about Nya?**


	11. Chapter 11: Determination

**Hey, everybody. This chapter had various sources of inspiration. But as you can probably tell, the last part came from thoughts about the Florida shooting. I just wanted to have a little tribute to the lives lost there. I can't even imagine the pain the parents are feeling, the pain and fear of the students. So please just keep them all in your thoughts, be praying for them. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as well as take the time to appreciate the fact that you just get time to read it. Every life is fragile enough to lose in the blink of an eye. But every life is precious enough to fight for. Thanks for being awesome, guys. Love you all. 3**

* * *

Chapter 11: Determination

("Heroes aren't always the ones

who win.

They're the ones

who lose

sometimes, too.

But they keep fighting,

they keep coming back.

That's what makes them heroes.

~ Cassandra Clare)

* * *

Cole's POV

I unfurled my fingers from the Bounty rail, taking one last look up at the stars. They were especially bright tonight; I didn't know if I should be bitter or appreciative, so I ended up being neither. Just...whatever.

My gaze traveled across the deck, then up the dark silhouette of the lookout post. I had seen Jay come out here earlier and quietly followed him a few minutes later, both for him and myself. In all honesty, I was lowkey trying to keep a tight watch on two certain masters of fire and lightning. I was scared to think of what they might do in their grief. But I also wanted to be on deck, out in the cool, open night air. It was peaceful here, and quiet. Though my heart still ached, at least my mind could be clear.

I debated whether or not to call Jay down to come to bed. He probably wouldn't be able to sleep, but I knew he needed it, and I decided it was the responsible leader-like thing to do. When I was closer to the post, I softly called up,

"Jay."

At first, he didn't move. I tried again.

"Hey, buddy, it's cold outside. I'm going in, wanna come?"

His head popped over the ledge, and he gazed down at me, before pulling back. I thought I heard a soft, "Not really."

I sighed. _Gonna make me do this the hard way, huh, buddy?_ I grabbed one of the ropes that led up to the sails and swiftly used it to climb up the post. Jay didn't make a sound as I sank down next to him. He just turned his face away from me and pulled his knees close to his chest.

"Come on, Jay," I said gently. "You should get some sleep. Or even don't sleep if you want to, just come inside, okay?"

He didn't respond.

"Bro, please. Just talk to me. Like you always do when you have a problem." That didn't have the intended effect I was hoping for, but at least it got him talking. Jay had suddenly whirled around to face me.

"But this isn't just some everyday problem, Cole! This is serious! Nya is gone, and she's not coming back! The love of my life is dead, and you can't just use your "perfect leadership skills" to bring her back! Everything is going to be different from here on out. I don't even know if I can be a ninja anymore."

With that, he grabbed the rope and slid safely to the ground before I could even say a word. I sat for a moment, soaking in his words. His oh-too-true, too painful, words. Nya was gone, my friends were breaking, and I didn't know if even I wanted to be a ninja anymore.

A deep groan came from my throat, and I buried my face in my hands. _Why did this have to happen? Why does anything like this ever have to happen?_

I didn't know the answer to this. But I did remember something. I remembered why I became a ninja in the first place, why I trained and worked my butt off and risked my skin everyday of my life. What happened to Nya wasn't just something that happened to powerful ninja and samurai like us. Kids in school were losing their lives to people abusing the power of weapons, the power of guns. I didn't understand the evil in the world; all I knew as I wanted to stop it.

With this in mind, I stood up, pain still embedded in my heart, but determination coursing through me. This wouldn't get the best of us. Whatever happened, I would get my team through this. We would keep on fighting to save ourselves, so we could save the world like we had before. So we could save lives as precious as the one we lost.


	12. Chapter 12: Innocent Memories

**Gosh. This story...it's hard to write sometimes, for multiple reasons.**

 **Thank you all for such amazing reviews. Love you all.**

* * *

Chapter 12: Innocent Memories

 _("In all our lives,_

 _there is a fall from innocence._

 _A time after which,_

 _we are never the same."_

 _~Gordie LaChance,_

 _Stand By Me)_

* * *

The warm water ran down my face, as if the shower water was attempting to wash away my pain. I tried not to think about anything. My mind needed to have just a few simple, painless moments, and I didn't think I was going to get that around my brothers. Because I couldn't bear to see them so broken.

A few taps sounded on the bathroom door, but I wasn't ready to talk yet. I ignored it, waiting to see if whoever it was would go away. That might seem rude. But I needed time to clear my mind after the outburst with Jay; I didn't want to snap at anyone, and I didn't want to set anyone else off.

I thought the person had left when on more knocks came. But then a muffled voice spoke up,

"Cole?" It was a child's voice. Lloyd's.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't ignore the kid, especially with everything that was going on. I shut the water off and stepped out, snatching a towel to rub through my hair, then tie around my waist.

"Yeah, Lloyd?" I responded, opening the door a few inches.

His expression wasn't fully readable. He looked slightly concerned, but also confused, so I didn't know what to expect for an answer.

"I...um, well, I was just wondering if…"

He was clearly nervous, maybe even a little embarrassed about what he was trying to ask. "Hey," I said, touching his shoulder lightly. He looked up at me with such innocent, trusting green eyes, waiting patiently. "Hold on a second. Let me get dressed, then we can talk about whatever it is, okay?"

His blond head nodded vigorously.

"Why don't you go see what Zane's up to in the kitchen while you wait?" I suggested, trying for a smile.

The kid didn't smile back, seeming to sense how hard it was for me. "Okay." He scampered off, and I watched him go, before crossing the hall to the bunkroom door.

My hand froze, hovering above the rusty, golden doorknob. I knew Kai had been in here for most of the day, and I couldn't think of any reason he wouldn't be now. And I had no idea what to expect. Would he be sleeping? Crying? Looking at old pictures? ...cutting himself? I shuddered, the sudden sickening thought causing me to whip the door open.

Like I said, I didn't know what I'd been expecting. But I didn't think this was what I was picturing. He was just lying there on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, not even flinching when I swung open the door. The fire ninja didn't even acknowledge the he heard me, but I was certain he had.

"Hey, Kai," I said, uncertainty.

For some odd reason, I felt uncomfortable breaking the silence, like I was intruding on his privacy, even though we all shared this room, and I only gave a simple 'hi.' His eyes darted my way, then glanced down on something he held in his hands.

I moved to the single dresser in the room, where our everyday clothes and pajamas were kept. My heart was pounding on the inside (I wasn't really sure why), but on the outside, I remained casual and nonchalant. As I slipped on a soft, black v-neck and plaid pajama pants, I glanced back up at Kai. I squinted, trying to see what his fingers were fiddling with.

"Whatcha got there, buddy?" I finally asked.

I leaned my back against the dresser and folded my arms, trying to keep up the casual facade. It was weird, but I felt I was holding a ticking bomb. Any sudden or false moves would end up in a deadly explosion. Kai peered at me from the corner of his eye, sitting up suddenly. He went from lying in a normal position on his bed to sitting up against the back wall, his body perpendicular to the bunk.

When Kai didn't answer at first, I thought this was going to be a replay of what had happened with Jay. And pushing Kai was a whole lot scarier than Jay. Not because I was afraid of my hotheaded brother and his temper (I wasn't Jay), no way. But in this moment, in this situation, I didn't want to be the cause of more damage or pain. I didn't need him exploding on me like Jay had; I wanted Kai (and Jay and my whole team) that I was here to help.

"It's a picture," Kai said.

I moved closer to the bed, peering up at the tiny object between his fingers. To me, it just looked like a rolled up piece of paper. My brother must've sensed I was confused, because he leaned forward and dropped what he claimed was a photo, in my hand. As I gently unfurled it, I realized it _was_ a picture. It didn't take me long to figure out who was in it. There was Kai, with his mischievous, joyous smirk and wild, brown hair, holding a dark-haired girl on his back who had her arms wrapped tightly around her brother's neck. She was smiling too, so brightly, so happy.

I slowly sucked in a breath through my nose and released it through my mouth. My eyes traveled up to Kai, who had tilted his head towards the ceiling and was now just staring, silent. While his face was expressionless, his eyes were full of emotions.

"It's a great picture, man." I reached up to hand it back to him, but he glanced down at me, shoving away my hand.

"No, I don't want it."

I was taken aback. "What do you mean? It's a great memory, bro, you should really…"

"I said I don't want it!" He burst out, his eyes suddenly burning as they glared at me. "Do you understand English? If you like it so much, then you can keep it. But don't you dare give it back to me."

Kai's voice had softened towards the end of his angry rant, enough so I could see how fragile his soul really was in this moment. He wasn't trying to insult me; he was just trying to rid himself of the pain, hoping that spilling out anger would help some of it to go away.

Miserably, I looked back down at the picture in my hand. Tears stung my eyes. My mind could never comprehend the amount of pain two younger brothers were in. If my heart ached this badly, thinking about Nya and how much I genuinely missed her and grieved her loss, I just...I just couldn't imagine. I could never imagine how Jay and Kai were feeling.

Kai had turned from me, now sitting on his bed facing the wall, his head in his hands and his form visibly trembling. Did I leave him to his privacy? Did I try to comfort him? _Agh, why was I so_ _ **bad**_ _at this whole comfort thing?_ I had no idea what my team needed, because I knew that the only thing that could truly make this better was never coming back.

I sucked in another deep breath. The last thing I wanted to do was leave Kai alone, but I knew if this was the other way around, if it had been _me_ that lost a sister (honestly, it felt like I already had), and I was grieving, I would probably want to be alone to work it through. With that new perspective, I carefully placed the unfurled picture underneath Kai's pillow. I took one last glance at my closed-off, grieving best friend, and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind me.

I'd almost forgot Lloyd was waiting for me.

* * *

 **Alright! Now that that super sad chapter is over...I have some questions for y'all!**

 **1) still looking for suggestions to change me fanfiction username to!**

 **2) (THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION) would you guys rather me update all my Ninjago stories more often, or start a new Ninjago fanfic?**

 **3) If I do start a completely new Ninjago fanfic, what would you be looking for in terms of content and plot etc etc?**

 **4) Do you like how quickly I update this story, or would you prefer I slow down a bit to give you time to catch up in your reading/prolong suspense?**

 **Thanks for any help on these four Q's! Much love to you all.**


	13. Chapter 13: Suspicions

Chapter 13: Suspicions

* * *

Lloyd's POV

I sighed, dragging my feet as I walked to the kitchen. I really wanted to talk to Cole. I wasn't sure why exactly; I guess I was just feeling kind of lonely and figured Cole would be the most likely to hang out with me.

It was cold in most of the Bounty, so walking into the warmth of the kitchen was actually a relief. I spotted Zane next to the stove, chopping up tomatoes or something on a cutting board.

"Hey, Zane," I said casually. "Whatcha making?"

His kind, blue eyes looked up at me, and he smiled. The smile didn't seem as forced as Cole's, more just sad and almost pitying. I hated the lack of smiles around here, and the fact that the ones I was given were pretty much fake.

"Hello, Lloyd. I am preparing an egg casserole for the morning. Does that sound good to you?"

I nodded, moving to sit on the countertop across from the stove. Zane must've sensed my crappy mood, because he stopped chopping veggies again and looked back at me.

"Is everything alright, Lloyd?"

I didn't respond, staring dejectedly at the wooden floor, swinging my legs back and forth as I thought. Zane walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Whatever it is, I would be happy to listen, little brother."

I looked up the nindroid, a little surprised that he called me that. I'd heard Zane call each of the ninjas 'brother' lots of times, but he'd never used the term for me. I liked it. Better than Kai's teasing _'squirt'_ or Jay's _'hey, pipsqueak, help me out with this, ya?.'_ Although I already missed that because Kai teasing me like that would mean he was happy and Jay asking me for help would mean he was feeling like himself again.

"It's okay, Zane. I'm just bored. Cole was gonna change then come in here to talk to me, since I was trying to earlier but couldn't think of what I wanted to say. I guess...it's just too quiet around here, ya know?"

"I agree, brother. It is much too quiet around here." Zane smiled sadly. "We can only hope that as time passes, Kai and Jay will come back to their normal selves. Life will never be quite the same without our beloved sister, but she would've wanted us to move on, keep fighting, and never give up. Eventually, Kai and Jay will realize this, and then our home can be full of life again. So, don't give up hope, Lloyd. Right, brother?"

He turned his head to the person now standing in the entryway to the kitchen. Cole was leaning against the side of it, listening in with a serious look on his face. When Zane addressed him, he stood up straight, uncrossing his arms. Our dark-haired leader sighed.

"He's right, Lloyd. I know it's tough right now, but Kai and Jay will come through. The rest of us are going to have to be strong for them, though, yeah?" Cole raised his eyebrows at me, trying for a smirk. I nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, I know." I paused thoughtfully, my brow furrowing. "But...what can I do? Neither of them seem in the mood to talk. And I'm just a kid."

"Well, first of all, Lloyd...you have to remember it's only been a week. We're all still hurting pretty badly. And…"

"Sometimes a child's innocence, in a time of pain, is the most healing thing of all."

The raspy voice that came out of nowhere startled both Cole and I, who didn't have Zane's sixth sense. A slight tapping noise reached the kitchen as Sensei Wu entered, holding his bo staff. I had only seen my uncle once since the funeral; the morning after, he'd say he had some business to attend to and would be gone for a while. He'd left the Bounty without more explanation, and now here he was.

Cole had swiveled around to face Sensei, but as soon as he saw the figure standing in the entryway, he whirled back around. I looked at the team leader in confusion. He was trying to hide it, but anger and something even darker was written on his face. I couldn't figure out what it was, or why. Was Cole mad at Sensei? Was he...blaming him for Nya's death? I remembered everyone arguing in the Bridge the day of the mission, before they had all headed out.

 _A week earlier. (The day of the incident.)_

Sensei stood in the middle of the Bridge, facing his students. "For this mission, Nya will don her samurai suit to go out and face the gunmen. The rest of you will stand by in case she needs backup. It will be…" He was abruptly cut off by cries of objection from Kai and Jay.

"Are you crazy?" Kai shouted. "There's no way we're sending Nya out there alone, no way!" He was absolutely fuming at the idea. I could see his fists were clenched, tendrils of smoke beginning to steam from his fingers. My eyes widened. When Kai got angry...he wasn't afraid to show it.

"Kai," Nya said softly, trying to calm down her brother. She stepped forward, placing a soothing hand on his arm. "It's okay. I'll be perfectly safe in my armor."

"But…"

"He's right Nya!" Jay burst forth. "We're not sending you out there alone! What if something goes wrong?"

"Then you four will be close by for backup. That is part of the plan," Sensei spoke again. His hands were clasped behind his back.

"But, Sensei!" Jay complained, Kai's next words overlapping with his.

"It's either we all go, or none of us go. Take your pick." He folded his arms in defiance. I was shocked. Kai was stubborn, but he didn't usually make such a stand against Sensei like this. This was borderline, if not definitely, disrespectful towards my uncle and his teacher.

"Kai," Cole warned. He spoke the next words between his teeth, nearly whispering the words to his teammate. I guess he didn't want Sensei to hear, but I did. "We can't be disrespectful towards Sensei, even if we disagree."

"But, he…" Kai started, gesturing towards my uncle who'd started going more in depth with the plan. He didn't seem to notice Cole and Kai's little side conversation.

"I know," Cole was saying. "I don't agree with him, either. I also don't understand why he's deciding to make the plan, considering he usually lets me handle that. But there must be a reason he decided to do this today. There must be a specific way he wants this to be done. I don't know what that is but…"

"But, nothing, Cole. Why doesn't he take into consideration that none of us are comfortable with this plan?"

Kai folded his arms, fuming more than ever.

And now Nya was dead. Did that mean...did that mean my uncle was at fault? Did that mean...he was evil? (Like my dad?) My eyes widened at the thought. Uncle Wu couldn't be evil...I couldn't have another evil family member. Tears stung my eyes and I leapt off the counter, desperate to be alone, desperate to hide my tears from everyone in the room, and desperate to get away from Wu.

* * *

Cole's POV

"Sensei," Zane said, bowing respectfully. "How was your journey? Did you accomplish your task?"

Sensei nodded once towards the nindroid. "I did, thank you Zane." Before even asking how Zane was, our master's eyes turned to me. I was turned away from him, but I could feel them boring into me.

"Cole."

I tensed. Was it just me or was his voice colder than usual, less kind and nurturing, and more commanding of respect?

"I expect you kept the Bounty in good shape while I was gone."

"Yes, Sensei," I clipped. (I did. No thanks to you.)

"Good. Where are the other two? The masters of fire and lightning?"

A look of disgust and confusion appeared on my face. Since when did Sensei not call us by our first names? I shared a look with Zane, and saw he looked as confused as I was, which made me feel better. At least we both noticed something off with Sensei. I wasn't going crazy.

"Uh, I don't know where Jay is but Kai's in the bunk room," I said. "But he probably doesn't want to be bothered. I don't think he's in the mood to talk." My voice was probably too revealing of my contempt and/or suspicion, but I wasn't sure I cared at this point. I had my arms crossed. It seemed like I always folded them when I was thinking deeply or angry.

Sensei stroked his beard a few times, before clasping his hands behind his back, slowly turning and taking deliberate steps out the entryway to the kitchen. I made eye contact with Zane. He nodded, somehow knowing what I was going to ask. It was as if we'd had an actual verbal exchange.

 _("Should we follow him?" "Yes".)_

So we did. I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but something was different, off about Sensei. And I wasn't about to risk any of my teammates being somehow harmed _(verbally, physically, whatever)_ by our _so-called_ master _._


	14. Chapter 14: Physical Pain

**Okay, so before you get too excited...obviously this is the same chapter as before only the ending ignores of it is different so I'd suggest reading through the whole chapter again to get the whole effect! I will try to update again soon with real new chapter!**

 **Sorry for the wait and enjoy!:)**

* * *

Chapter 14: Physical Pain

* * *

Kai's POV

My throat felt like it'd been rubbed down with sandpaper. What day was it? When was the last time I had moved? I remembered Cole coming in a little bit ago; he'd clearly taken a shower based off the damp hair and the towel wrapped around his waist. But I hadn't acknowledged his presence until he actually spoke to me. Part of that was because I didn't know if my voice would even work. Thank goodness, it had. That would've been embarrassing, not that being embarrassed was high on my list of things to worry about.

I was constantly made aware of the annoying thump of my heartbeat against my chest. My head throbbed, feeling like it could burst at any minute, and my eyes burned from lack of sleep, maybe.

Everytime I thought about...the incident, everytime I pictured her in my head, saw her smiling face, I wanted to puke. Or hit something. Or hurl myself off the Bounty, land on the ground in my Blade Cycle, and drive until I couldn't focus anymore. Honestly, I might even be fine with landing on the ground without my…

A knock sounded on the door. I winced at a stabbing pain in my head, holding back a small cry of pain. Ever since the funeral, I often experienced literal, physical pain, as if the emotional pain in my heart was transferring to my actual body. Whoever was at the door spoke, asking for permission to enter.

I didn't want to get up. I knew it would hurt too much.

"Kai? I am coming in. I would just like to talk to you," the voice continued.

I heard the creak of the door as it was swung open, and my body suddenly jolted as I realized who it was out of the corner of my eye. Sensei. Where had he been? Why hadn't he been here comforting everyone? Yet even those questions hardly mattered as I remembered what he did, how this, how everything was all his fault.

My jaw clenched, right hand turning into a fist while the left gripped the quilt beneath me with tight fingers. He should not have come in here; I knew at the very least, I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue.

"There you are, Kai. Your leader said I might find you here."

Had Sensei always sounded that insidious? And why did he address Cole as "your leader?" I shrugged, trying to brush it off; it had to be nothing, after all this was still our Sensei. Even if I was...filled with rage towards him...in my heart I knew he wasn't evil. He cared about us. Right?

"What do you want, Sensei?" I said, literally biting my tongue immediately, attempting to hold myself at bay. Hold myself back from some very choice words.

"I came to ask how you were faring after your sister's death. I know how much she meant to you."

No shi-. No. Hold yourself together. I breathed in through my nose then blew out through my mouth, trying to get a hold of my anger.

His voice was frickin annoying right now. So calm and regal. It sounded like the normal Sensei really, but right now, it made me bristle. I hated when anyone asked if I was okay. What was the point? Obviously I'd still be grieving my sister's death, which happened what, a week ago? But otherwise I was completely fine! I could handle myself...even though the still small, oh-so-quiet voice in the back of my head was saying...you can't.

"Kai?" Sensei questioned kindly. "Perhaps you could sit up, and we could discuss what is troubling you."

What's troubling me? What's-

I clamped down on my tongue and released it. I couldn't explode, couldn't let my control slip away in front of Sensei. Couldn't show weakness. Not to the one who started it all.

"I'm sorry, Sensei," I said. "I'm not in the mood to talk." My sounded hoarse and weak. Not exactly what I was going for, but at least it wasn't bitter or angry. Not that I would've cared too much if it was. But losing control was seen as weak and unstable...and I was neither of those things. (I was fine. Icouldhandlemyself.)

"Very well, then. I will leave you to rest and grieve in silence."

I quirked an eyebrow. Grieve in silence. It just sounded weird, even coming from Sensei. Again, I just let it slide, my brain now too tired and my head too in pain to try to sort anything out.

His footsteps and the tapping of his bo staff were the only sounds I heard as I fell asleep. I'd found I could do that very easily lately. Maybe I was sick. (Heartsick.) But I wasn't about to admit that to anyone, not Cole, not Sensei. Not even myself.

* * *

Cole's POV

Zane and I stood outside the bunkroom door, our backs pressed against the wall in case Sensei were to look out into the hallway. I steadied my breathing, listening closely to the conversation.

"There you are, Kai. Your leader said I might find you here," Sensei's voice said.

I tensed. First he calls Jay and Kai by their elemental titles, now I'm just "leader?" It didn't bother me as much as the impersonal names he used for my brothers, but it still hurt a little. Still bothered me. And made me even more wary.

Finally, Kai spoke, and I was relieved to at least hear his voice.

"What do you want, Sensei?" He clipped.

Kai was definitely upset, probably holding back anger and choice words. I didn't blame him, I'd been tempted before and probably had similar thoughts. How everything was Sensei's fault. I mean he had literally allowed her to go out and die! He hadn't listened to any of our complaints, hadn't even cared really. Which got me wondering if even cared about us. After all these years, did he really not-

"I came to ask how you were faring after your sister's death. I know how much she meant to you."

Oh. I hadn't been expecting that. Sensei was...was seeing if Kai was alright, but…

I shared a look with Zane. His brow was furrowed, but his eyes had softened. He was still confused, but probably realized what I just had. We probably jumped too quickly to conclusions.

But there were still questions. Why had Sensei so mysteriously left right after her funeral? Why had he allowed her to take that mission? Why hadn't he cared about any of our protests? And most importantly, why was he just now trying to comfort our team? Shouldn't he have done that since the night that she died? Like Zane and I had been doing?

We'd been forced to play counselor, parent, friend, teammate, brother, teacher, and leader all in one...Sensei left us all alone to that! What kind of teacher did that? Was he trying to teach us something? But what? What kind of cruel lesson was he trying to teach us? That you can't count on anyone to help you in your time of need? That you're often going to be alone when you so desperately need someone wiser to help you?

I bristled again, then realized I was missing out on the conversation. I focused back in; this was more important than my hurt and bitterness and questions right now. Kai was more important.

"...discuss what's troubling you," Sensei was saying.

Um! What did he think was troubling Kai?

I was proud of Kai for what he said next.

"I'm sorry, Sensei. I'm not in the mood to talk." And though his voice was raspy and weak, he said it with class.

"Very well, then. I will leave you to rest and grieve in silence." Grieve in silence? That was kind of harsh, wasn't it?

"Cole," Zane whispered hurriedly.

Oh right, we couldn't let Sensei know we'd been eavesdropping. I took a step towards the left, which was stupid because I ended up right in line of the door which Sensei was currently exiting.

"Hello, boys," Sensei addressed us.

He didn't look surprised to see us waiting by the door. Had he known we would follow him? Had he wanted us to? ...Had he known we were there?

"Hi, Sensei," I said. He moved past Zane, his bo staff tapping across the ground with every few steps.

"Perhaps you should go comfort your friend," Sensei spoke over his shoulder. "He would not talk to me."

I clenched my jaw. Why the heck do you think that is? As Sensei brushed past me, I reeled in my anger, preparing myself to check on Kai myself.

But suddenly, the Bounty lurched and I threw out my hands to grip the door frame before I could fall flat on my face. A piercing wail filled the ship, red lights flashing as the alarm bells alerted us of nearby danger or a distress signal. No. We couldn't handle this right now.


	15. Chapter 15: Change of Pace

**Yay so excited I finally wrote more of this! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 15: Change of Pace

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Jay's POV

Her room was so gloomy. I didn't know why I exposed myself to more pain by being in here, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be close to her somehow. My fingers trailed along the patterned, red quilt on her bed. It was so cold, so perfectly unwrinkled that my stomach churned at the thought.

Before I could tell myself not to, I threw myself down on the bed silently. I couldn't find the strength to yell or cry. But my shoulders started to shudder, maybe from the chill of the room or the chill in my heart. I hardly felt the warm tears sliding down my face, which was now buried in her pillow. And then the sobs somehow found there way out.

I gripped my hair between my fingers, telling myself not to rip it out as much as I wanted to. I didn't know how long I sat there, sobbing, trying to rid myself of the ugly, dirty ball of unrelenting grief in my chest. Time didn't make sense to me anymore, it ticked by slowly or quickly, however it wanted but I didn't care. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

Vaguely I heard the quick pattering of small feet against wood floors. They grew louder, nearer to where I was. And then I realized where they were headed. I rolled off the bed, securing myself between her bed and the wall. Whoever entered shouldn't be able to see me, especially considering how eerily dark the room was. The walls were bathed in gray light, the color of ash.

Her door creaked and slammed with a loud bang. I held my breath. The bed made a similar noise to the door when it had been opened, that ominous creak of springs sinking beneath the weight of a person. A few sounds followed, like sniffling. That was odd. I dared to peek the top of my head and my eyes from my hiding spot. The sight before my made me dart immediately upwards.

"Lloyd?" I said a little too loudly for the quietness of the room.

Lloyd jumped. "Ah!" He yelled, but it was more like a girly scream which Kai would've smirked at and I would've teased Lloyd about on any other occasion. "Jay! What are you doing in here? I didn't even see you!"

I sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't know it was you."

"Who did you think it was?" He looked up at me with wide, curious eyes. Something about them was pleading. Pleading for what?

"N...nothing. I mean no one. I mean," I sighed. "Just forget about it."

Lloyd gave me a quizzical look but wisely didn't say anything. He took a step towards me then stumbled sideways as the whole Bounty shook and tilted, the alarms blaring soon after.

* * *

Cole's POV

I took once last glance at Kai, who's head had popped off the pillow at the alarm, before forcing myself to turn from the doorway. As protectors of Ninjago, we still had a job to do. I couldn't just ignore an alarm if it meant someone might be in danger.

Zane met me in the Bridge. He unlocked the computer and pulled up the map of Ninjago that showed where the alert was coming from on the big screen. As Zane and I watched, a red blinking dot appeared in an area that I was pretty sure was downtown Ninjago. Zane clicked on the blinking signal and the screen changed, showing us a scene from an aerial view.

"I've connected with my falcon so he can show us what's happening," Zane said, then paused. I felt his eyes on me, taking in my conflicted expression and quickly figuring out what was troubling me. "Cole, you know if it is serious we will have to go check it out despite what the others do."

I sighed. "I know that, Zane. But I also don't know if they're ready to go back in the field, and I don't feel comfortable leaving them here alone."

"Sensei will be here," my friend stated.

I clenched my jaw so I wouldn't snap at him, closing my eyes gently to regain composure. "You know what I mean. He doesn't count right now."

Zane just nodded, turning back towards the screen. I followed his gaze, deciding to at least see what the problem was before making a decision.

At first, all I saw was darkness. The screen show dark, billowing smoke coming from an unknown source. There was screaming, flashes of light like...like fire.

Suddenly I saw where the smoke was coming from. Everywhere. The streets of downtown Ninjago City were being struck with some kind of small bombs but again, I couldn't tell where they were coming from. I watched, frozen, eyes glued to the screen, mouth agape, as a bomb hit right next to a woman and child. I was pretty sure it would've killed them had an auburn-haired, red clad man not swooped in at the last second to shove them out of the way and shield them.

It only took a second for me to know who that man—no, boy—was. Kai.


	16. Chapter 16: For Kai

**Yeet! I'm getting so into this story again. This chapter is a lot longer than the last few!**

 **Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)**

 **Thanks y'all!**

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Chapter 16: For Kai

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Kai's POV

I'll admit I was extremely disoriented when I suddenly found myself in the middle of downtown Ninjago City, bombs soaring down around, explosions rocking the ground with every step. The last thing I remembered was hearing the alarms, making eye contact with Cole then trying to decide whether I should see what the problem was.

Then Wu had come into the bunkroom again, muttering strange words. There was something off about the language he was speaking-it didn't sound like English or Japanese which were the only two languages Wu spoke. I knew a little Japanese and that wasn't it. Then he looked up and I got a glance of his eyes before something strange took hold of my body. Some sort of smoky substance wrapped around me, eventually covering my face. I tried to scream, but I was choking on the smoke as it basically smothered me. There was darkness, and then light as I seemingly materialized out of thin air on the devastated streets of Ninjago City.

I blinked, the sun shining brightly in the sky; it'd been a while since I'd been outside. My breathing picked up as my mind raced to try to figure out what the heck had just happened, why there were explosions rocking the streets, and where they were even coming from. But then I registered all the screams and the cries for help, and the wailing of the wounded and dying. That fiery, protective instinct flared up in my chest and I knew I _had to do something._

Looking frantically around for a way to help, I saw a woman carrying a young child running for her life from a flaming building. At that same moment, I heard a strange whistling sound and looked towards the sky. Then I was racing forward, racing to save this woman and her child. I vaguely realized I wasn't wearing my ninja gi; I wasn't even wearing proper clothes. The bottom half of my body was clothed in a pair of red, plaid pajama pants, but I wasn't even wearing a shirt.

I wouldn't have saved the woman and child if I hadn't dove at the last second, shoving them to the ground, both of them crying out. I hoped they weren't hurt but they would've been dead if I hadn't saved them. The woman looked up with fear in her eyes, which turned to thankfulness as she saw the smoldering, broken street behind me. Her child was next to her on the ground, wailing. I reached for the kid, was probably less than two years old, then helped the woman up by her arm.

"What's your name?" I yelled above the turmoil, handing back her child.

"Makani!"

"And the kid?"

"Lukas."

"I'm Kai. Are either of you hurt?"

She coughed a bit before answering. "No, not badly. What do we do?"

"We have to gather as many people as we can and get you all out of the city. The ninja will be here soon to find the source of the bombs, but for now, I can't do this alone. Will you be able to help me?"

Makani looked down at the terrified, confused child in her arms, a hesitant look in her eyes. Then she looked up, setting her jaw, her hazel eyes now showing a look of determination.

"Of course. What should I do?"

"Run south towards Ignacia, and tell anyone you see to head that way too. The people there should be willing to help the wounded and give you water and shelter for the time being."

Makani nodded. "And what are you going to do?"

I didn't say anything, merely shifted my gaze to the burning building Makani and Lukas had come from. My jaw clenched, as I knew what I had to do. Makani seemed to pick up on my thoughts too, as she followed my gaze. She whipped her head back around to me.

"What? No! You can't go back in there, the whole place is about to burn to the ground! You'll die!"

I turned back to her and met her eyes dead-on. "So will a lot of other people if I don't do this." I left out the part in my head that said _I don't really care if I do._

Cole's POV

My mind was spinning. How...Kai had just...he'd just been in the bunkroom, I didn't understand! But it didn't matter how he got there, he was there and he shouldn't be dealing with this alone. The rest of us needed to get there as fast as we could.

"Zane," I barked. "Get us to Ninjago City as fast as possible. I'm gonna grab Jay and Lloyd, and check on Wu."

Some deeper, darker part of me whispered _and make sure he isn't the cause of this_. Even though I had been suspicious of something being off with Wu, I never meant to accuse of him of something like this! Wu would never! _(Right?)_ I shook off the thoughts, forcing myself to focus on what task at a time. My heart pounded with worry for Kai, but I couldn't let that stop me either. He needed us. He needed me.

"Jay!" I shouted bursting into the bunkroom. But of course he wasn't in there; it'd just been Kai a few minutes ago. Which left me realizing I hadn't checked on the lightning ninja's position the last few hours. My heart plummeted; what if he'd done something and I hadn't been there…? Now I was sprinting down the hallway, but there were only a few more places he could be.

Where would I go if I was grieving the loss of my girlfriend and needed somewhere to ground myself? Oh. _Oh._

I turned the corner, passing Ny-her bathroom, and headed straight for the door at the end of the hall. My hand hovered above the golden doorknob. I didn't want to do this-I didn't want to disturb her room, when it seemed like such a sacred thing now. But I knew, _I knew_ , Jay was in here and that meant I had to. With a deep breath, I reached for the knob again and was about to turn it. Except the door opened for me as if it knew I was there and a small, green-clad body burst out, running straight into my chest.

I snatched Lloyd's arm before he could fall to the ground. Before I could ask what he was doing in Ny-her room, or if he knew where Jay was, he was throwing rapid-fire questions at me.

"Cole! What's happening? Where's Zane? What's the alarm for?"

I didn't have time to lighten up the news for the kid. "Ninjago City's being bombed and Kai's already down there. Where's Jay?"

Lloyd turned back, pointed behind him with his thumb. Jay stood, somewhat concealed in shadows, taking in the news.

"Jay," I said softly. I didn't like the sight before me...he was so thin...but I could deal with that later. Kai needed us. Kai needed Jay. And the whole rest of Ninjago City needed us to save them from this attack. "Kai's in trouble. So is Ninjago City. Even if you're not up for a mission, I'm going to need for you to be because we don't know exactly what's happening yet and we need as many hands as can get. You in?" I could sense his hesitation, the fight he was having with himself. But I knew Jay wouldn't be able to say no. Not when people were in danger, and definitely not when Kai was in danger.

Jay nodded, visibly swallowing a lump in his throat. "Of course I'm in." I almost did a double take at the little, timid smile that appeared on his face. It was brief, but it was there.

"What are you waiting for?" Jay called as he passed me, jogging down the hallway. "Kai needs us, right?"

Despite the situation, I smiled too. That sounded a lot closer to the Jay I knew.


	17. Chapter 17: Fire

**Posting up a storm now, so enjoy it while you can! ;)**

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Chapter 17: Fire

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Kai's POV

I was used to fire; I could handle fire. But just because I was the Master of Fire didn't mean I was completely invincible to burns, and it definitely didn't mean I was invincible to smoke. It just meant that I could sense how hot flames were and where they were, and it meant that maybe I could withstand a lot more heat than most people. But I wasn't invincible.

My eyes stung and my throat burned as I ran through the burning apartment building, listening and looking for any signs of life. On the first floor, I found a man and a woman behind the front desk. The man was unconscious, having saved the lady from a falling beam, but otherwise uninjured.

"Can you stand?" I yelled at the petite woman, who nodded at my question. She got shakily to her feet. The man was on my back now, a heavy load, but I'd lifted heavier so I knew I could at least get him out the building. "Follow me!"

I headed for the front door as quickly as my load allowed. The momentary breath of fresh air hit me and I wanted so badly to stay outside, but I wouldn't dream of it. People still needed me inside. I turned back to the woman and quickly barked instructions as the man was beginning to stir.

"As soon as he's fully awake, get him up and try to head south towards Ignacia. The people there will help you!"

The woman's wide brown eyes looked back at me, full of fear, but there was nothing more I could do to help them. They were alive, and right now that's what mattered. But time was running out for other people inside the building.

Back inside the apartment building, I quickly surveyed the rest of the first floor. The doors that were locked I kicked open (they were already weak from fire damage), and eventually I found all the rooms on the first floor empty. By now, my lungs were burning, and my pants had a few charred holes through them.

I sprinted for the stairs that would take me to the second floor. Thankfully, there were only four floors in this complex otherwise I never would've made it to everyone on time. Again, I raced through each hallway of the second floor, repeating the process of kicking down doors and searching rooms. My vision grew blurry at some point. I also started coughing, so that was great. But the second floor was also clear of people, so I headed up to the third.

I searched each room on the third floor, not expecting to find anyone. A large part of me relieved that I hadn't found anyone yet, but also what if I'd ran through this burning building for nothing? Not that I cared whether I lived or died...Nya was gone, so why should I be allowed to live? No. No. I had to stop thinking like this, because suicidal thoughts did not have the right to take precedence over other people's lives.

I kicked down the door in front of me, the last door of the third floor. I coughed, swaying slightly and putting my hand out to steady myself on the doorframe. Then I plunged through the doorway and did a quick search of the apartment. At first, it appeared as empty as the rest of the rooms I'd searched. Then I heard it. At first a soft whine, then a full cry.

A baby's cry.

* * *

Cole's POV

We reached the Bridge just as Zane was bringing the Bounty to a stop over a building in downtown Ninjago City. He turned around as soon as we entered, not openly showing his surprise about Jay's presence but I sensed it briefly.

"Ready, brothers?" The nindroid asked. Jay and I nodded firmly.

"We're ready," I answered, turning to head out to the deck.

"What about me?" Lloyd looked at me with wide eyes, and I hesitated. Obviously he couldn't come, but I also didn't want to chance him staying here with Wu. But we didn't have time to figure out an alternative, and he _wasn't coming._

"Just stay here on the Bridge, okay? If you see Kai on the screen, hit the com button and let us know where he is and what his status. Keep an eye on him for us, ya know?"

Lloyd nodded. "Will do, Captain." The kid smiled slightly, and I started a bit at the nickname. That's what Kai would call me teasingly sometimes. I ruffled the future green ninja's golden blond hair before leading the way outside. We were all suited up and ready to go now. Ready to go save our city. And our Kai. (Both which we have had to save many a time.)

As soon as I stepped onto the deck, I could smell the sour, acrid scent of smoke. My stomach churned at the thought that people were hurt, maybe dying down there. And I had no doubt Kai was putting himself into extreme danger to save everyone he could.

I spotted a burning building a little ways from where we stopped, and my leader instincts kicked in. That's where Kai was. Because of course he would run directly into the literal line of fire. I had to get him out of there, if that's where he was. Who knows how long he'd been in there trying to save people that might have already left or...or were already dead?

"I'm gonna find Kai," I told the others. They looked at me, waiting for further instruction, while I sighed, because I really wasn't exactly sure what they should do. We didn't know where these bombs were coming from but...they were coming from the air. And someone needed to locate the source so we could stop them. "Zane, you come with me to the ground. Find injured people, direct people out of the city towards Ignacia or wherever seems safest. Do whatever you can to help the people. And Jay," I turned to the blue Ninja next to me. I was worried, but he seemed stable and ready to go. And I trusted when it came to helping people, Jay wouldn't fail. Just like I was praying Kai wouldn't. "You take to the skies in your jet. Try to locate the source of the bombs."

"Aye aye captain," Jay responded, another hint of a smile showing on his face. And I started yet again at Jay's use of "Captain." Two uses in one day and not even from Kai.

"And Jay," I stopped him before he leapt off the railing and formed his jet.

He turned his gaze to me, eyes questioning and innocent-looking. "Yeah, Cole?"

"Be careful, okay? Please."

He nodded grimly and disappeared.

Then finally, mentally preparing myself, I jumped off the rails too, towards the ground. Towards Kai.


	18. Chapter 18: Alive and Will Be Well

Chapter 18: Alive and Will Be Well

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Kai's POV

The doorknob to the bedroom was redhot, but that didn't stop me. I absorbed as much of the heat as I could with my fire, but I still felt the blisters start to form. But what did I care? I was saving a child. Nothing would stop me.

When the door was open, I had to blink back tears. Smoke billowed out of the room, and I had to hold my breath so I wouldn't get a big whiff of it. Then I plunged through the dark clouds, until I was able to see the faint outline of a figure. I soon realized it was a woman and rushed beside her.

That's when I saw the board hanging from the ceiling, pinning her down. In fact, the sharp point of the board was...was going through her back and I saw the blood and I had to force myself not to puke because I wanted to that anyway due to smoke inhalation, and I had to force the tears back since I had been too late...but the cry snapped me out of my grief, and I looked over my shoulder.

A small bundle was nestled in a crib that didn't seem too badly charred yet. I lifted the top blanket up to reveal a small child, probably 9 or 10 months old with soft brown whispies on his head and glassy blue eyes that stared up at me so innocently, so trustingly. My heart broke in that moment. This kid just lost his mother. I wasn't going to let him lose anymore.

I swooped the kid up in my arms, wrapping the blanket back around him and over his head, ignoring the way everything ached and my lungs burned. Then I hurried out of the room. Out in the hallway, I had a decision to make. I now had a child in my arms and was hurriedly blinking black spots from my vision. But there was one floor left I hadn't checked. I couldn't just leave people there, but if I didn't get this kid out of here, he could die too, so…

No. Alright, I could do this. The stairs were right there. I could just sprint up, do a quick check of the floor then get out of here right?

And I would've too. But as I got to the stairs, the portion of ceiling collapsed right in front of them, blocking my way. Now I had no choice. I had to get out of here and at least save the child I held.

I resisted the urge to take a deep breath to clear my head. I would only get a chock full of smoke and go into a coughing fit, which definitely wouldn't clear my head. Then I debated what I should do. The stairway was blocked, and I obviously couldn't take the elevator. So...a window, maybe? I headed back into the kid's room and went to the living room window. I'd have to climb out somehow, to the ground which was at least 50 feet down. And with a kid who couldn't exactly hold onto me, I'd have to do it one handed.

I was about to try, since that was the only thing I could do that possibly would work when an explosion rocked the whole building shaking me off my feet. Behind me, the ceiling started crumbling. If I didn't jump now, the kid and I would be crushed. I wasn't about to let anything happen to him.

With that, I took one last look at the ground and jumped. I'd shield the kid from the fall. I'd make sure he'd be okay even if I wasn't.

 _"I'll protect you,"_ I whispered, covering his head with my hand. "I promise."

* * *

Cole's POV

It didn't take me long to reach the building. But when I did, it was already too late. A flaming red orb was racing for the ground from the third story window, but it wasn't slowing down. Kai wasn't slowing down.

"Kai!" I screamed.

I rushed forward, but I didn't know what I planned to do. Could I catch him? Would he burn me? Not that I cared if he did if it meant I saved him, but I didn't want anything to stop me from catching him. But I didn't know if could even make it in time. No. I had to. I'd catch him.

At the last second, I dove forward and slammed into Kai's flame-engulfed body. I didn't exactly catch him, but I slowed his fall as he went tumbling sideways. I could tell he tried to tuck into a ninja roll but with his positioning, it'd didn't work. So he basically just did a tilted somersault and landed hard on his side with a groan.

"Kai," I got to my feet and rushed towards him. "Kai, hey, look at me," I commanded worriedly, because he was still groaning and coughing harshly. And he seemed pretty out of it. I knelt beside him and touched his shoulder.

He hissed in pain and rolled over on his back. I recoiled my hand quickly, thinking I must've touched a burn. Kai's eyes blinked open owlishly. He seemed to take a few seconds to clearly see who was kneeling over him. Finally, he rasped,

"C-Cole?"

I sighed in relief. "Hey, there you are. Yeah, I'm here. We're gonna get you fixed up. Where are you hurt?"

"Don't worry about me, right now."

"Kai…" I started.

"No. Worry about me after we take care of him." He pulled up the bundle he'd been holding in the crook of his right arm, sliding down the top of the blanket. Two little eyes peered up at me, and I stared down in amazement. Kai looked from me to the baby with a bit of a dazed appearance. "I saved him," Kai whispered hoarsely, a fond smile coming across his face as he brushed the baby's head with the fingers of his left hand.

"Yeah, you did huh, buddy." There was no way I could stop myself from smiling. I always knew Kai had a soft spot for kids, even if he pretended not to.

Plus my best friend was alive, and maybe not well yet, but he would be. Emotionally and physically. I'd make sure of it.


	19. Chapter 19: Pain and Progress

Chp 19: Pain and Progress

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Kai tried to sit up then, grunting with the effort. I wrapped an arm around his waist to help him sit up. Once in an upright position, Kai looked around, seeming confused.

"They're gone?"

I looked around too, noticing how quiet it was. Kai was right. The bombing had seemed to stop, which meant either Jay figured out where they were coming from and shut it down or whoever controlled the bombs just stopped on their own. Either way I still found myself sighing in relief. Until I turned back to Kai, who was now attempting to stand, never loosening his grip on the baby.

"Woah, hey." I reached out to catch Kai as he stumbled forward, placing a hand on the bundle to support the baby too. "Easy."

I let out a light laugh (because this was such a typical Kai move, trying to move when he was hurt) but it died in my throat as soon as I realized how I was pretty much supporting Kai's weight and how raspy each of his breaths were.

"Kai, don't try to move or talk too much, okay? We gotta get you to Zane so you can get medical attention."

He nodded, managing to meet my eyes when I looked down at him. His amber eyes were dazed and full of pain. Then he reached down and lifted the baby up towards me, gesturing for me to hold him. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"You want me to hold him?" I asked.

I mean, I agreed that I probably should so Kai didn't have to strain himself further but also I'd kind of felt like Kai wouldn't want to let the kid go. But Kai was nodding so I took the little bundle from his arms.

Holding the kid in one arm and supporting Kai around his waist with the other, I looked towards the sky, eyes searching for the Bounty. Subconsciously, I felt Kai's hand gripping the back of my go for support. Then I glanced back at the communication device on my wrist. I couldn't exactly access it with both arms busy, so I glanced back at Kai.

"Hey buddy, I'm gonna settle you on ground, oka-" I cut off my words as I felt the hand against my back to slack, almost losing my grip on Kai as he crumpled, careening sideways into me as fell. "Kai!" I yelled, readjusting my grip so I could slowly sit down bringing the fire ninja with me. My loud shout must've startled the baby because soon he was wailing. Kai's head rested in my lap, soot and blood and sweat and pain etched on his face even in his unconscious state. His breathing was ragged, and heart thumping wildly in my chest, I knew I had to hurry. I pressed the connect button on my device, and a staticky noise was heard before a voice cam through.

"Cole? Where are you, brother?" Zane asked. "Have you found Kai?"

"I'm near the burning apartment building." My gaze when to the structure which was threatening to collapse on itself. "And yeah, I've got Kai but he's in bad shape. Find me first and contact Lloyd if you can to get the Bounty closer to us. I'll check on Jay."

"Understood, Cole. I will be there shortly. Sit tight."

I then switched the line over to Jay's com. "Jay, you there, buddy?" No response. The static grew louder. "Jay?" I said again, worry pooling in my gut. I waited, praying for a response because if I didn't get one I don't know what I'd do because I knew this was a bad idea letting him come out here so soon after her death, I knew he might not be able to think straight and and-

"C...Cole. I'm...here. Where...you?"

"Jay!" I cried, not able to stop the relief from coloring my voice. "I'm still in downtown ninjago city by the burning apartment building Kai went into. Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I...I think I'm okay, physically. But I don't know where I am."

"You mean you're lost? Don't you have a GPS or something in your jet or your device?"

"It's not working...and I wouldn't be able to see them anyway."

My brow creased in confusion. "What do you mean? Why not?"

Jay chuckled, seeming nervous. "Well...I'm not in my plane, for one. And, it's really dark where I am. I don't know exactly what happened. I don't know how. But somehow Cole...I think I might've found the gunmens' base."


	20. Chapter 20: Of Worry and Discovery

**Holy smokes. It's been forever, y'all. I'm sorry. Life gets crazy, and inspiration is hard to come by, which I'm sure you guys understand!**

 **Here's a decent sized chapter, hopefully good enough to make up for the wait! Love y'all to pieces.**

 **Enjoy! :D**

* * *

Cole's POV

"Jay. Jay!" I yelled into the com, groaning in frustration and worry when I only got static. "Zane, come in."

"Cole," My nindroid friend's steady voice came over the line. "I am almost to your location. Just stay put."

I sighed in relief, but there was still a tightness in my chest, a nauseous feeling in my gut that something had happened to Jay. He'd said he _found_ the gunmens' base, but then didn't respond. What was I supposed to think?! I swallowed the lump in my throat, and forced myself to respond to Zane.

"Good. I'm not going anywhere," I chuckled bitterly, looking down at my unconcious brother's face, screwed up with pain even in sleep, watching his chest rise and fall erratically. Each labored sending a stabbing fear through me. My arm ached from the child I held, the one I had absolutely no idea how to deal with. But one thing at a time. "Zane, while you're at it, can you try to pinpoint Jay's location? He said he found the...the base. The gunmens' base."

A moment of silence over the line. "Did he give you a clue as to where he was?" Zane said calmly.

"No," I inwardly cursed myself for my voice crack. "No, he didn't, and I tried to call him back but all I got was static."

"Perhaps the connection is bad where he is," the ice ninja said, sounding like he was trying to reassure the both of us. "I will to it as soon as I can. Landing now."

Sure enough, a large, boat-shaped shadow was cast over Kai and I (and the baby) and I almost sobbed in relief at the sight of our home overhead. Zane would know what to do. He could help Kai, so the both of us could find Jay, and everything would be fine.

* * *

Jay's POV

I wasn't sure exactly how I found it. It was like, one moment I was maneuvering my lightning jet through a bright, blue sky, the next I was flying through a dark tunnel and landing in a cavern, just as dark, but much bigger. Shaking my head to clear it, I asked myself what had just happened. It was like a time skip, or like I'd fallen asleep for a second and ended up here. Like teleportation. But that wasn't possible, was it? I'd been flying this jet for months now, and I was sure I would've known if it had that capability.

"Cole?" I spoke into my com, as I deactivated my jet and landed on my feet. "Cole, come in." Static. Dang it. Must be poor connection from being in this cave, er whatever it was.

I didn't know what to do. There didn't seem to be any clear direction that would lead to an exit from this place, so I started moving forward, fingers itching to reach for the nunchucks secured to my back. This place gave me the creeps. If Kai was here, he'd laugh at my tenseness, tease me for being scared of the dark, and tell me to man up. I sighed. I wondered how long it would be until Kai was his light hearted, hot headed, annoying self again (if ever).

I kept walking, reaching the entrance to a tunnel where I literally couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I sparked a little electricity between my fingers so a dim glow lit up the path in front of me. It seemed like hours that I walked down that dark tunnel, but in reality it was probably no more than 5 minutes.

That's when I heard the voices. I couldn't make out any words, only the distant chattering, and my eagerness to figure out what was going on got the better of me as I started sprinting towards the source of the noise. But I stopped short as soon as I arrived at the next cavern over. Torches lined the walls so I could very clearly everything in front of me. Men dressed in black uniforms, holding AK-47s and other various assault rifles, were patrolling around what looked like a military base, but somehow I knew they weren't preparing to protect the people of Ninjago.

Somehow I knew...these were the guys we were looking for. The group of people who'd sent gunmen after us, the gunmen who'd killed the love of my life.

I jumped as my com crackled, and Cole's voice made its way into my hearing.

"Jay, you there buddy? Jay?" He sounded panicked so I responded quickly, flattening against the wall so I was out of the patrollers' line of sight.

"Cole, I'm here. Where are you?"

"Jay!" He sounded relieved. Too relieved. As if something bad was happening and he wouldn't be able to handle it if anything had happened to me. Fear gripped me as my heart beat quicker in my chest. Unfortunately, Cole's answer didn't help my steadily rising worry for my brothers.

"I'm still in downtown ninjago city by the burning apartment building Kai went into. Are you okay? Where are you?" Kai. Burning building. Alarm bells went off in my head, but again I had to respond and not leave Cole hanging.

"I...I think I'm okay, physically. But I don't know where I am." It was the truth. I had no idea how I got here, wherever here was, and I definitely didn't know how to get out without alerting the people at the freaking evil army base.

Somewhere, subconsciously I heard the nearing heavy footsteps. But I was so focused on Cole's voice and trying to ensure myself they were okay that I didn't notice they were headed towards me.

"You mean you're lost?" Cole was saying. "Don't you have a GPS or something in your jet or your device?"

"It's not working," I said. Plus I wasn't even in my jet so it didn't matters "I wouldn't be able to see them anyway."

"What do you mean? Why not?" Cole was clearly confused.

I chuckled nervously at that. "Well...I'm not in my plane, for one. And, it's really dark where I am. I don't know exactly what happened. I don't know how. But somehow Cole...I think I might've found the gunmens' base."

That was all I could get out before a hand was grabbing the collar of my gi and spinning me around violently so I could face my captor.

"What do we have here?" The very large, very strong-looking man sneered in my face. My eyes widened in terror at the murderous and crazed look in his eyes. "One of the infamous ninja, eh? Thought you could sneak here, learn all our secrets, and run back to your pathetic little team without getting caught?" He chuckled darkly. "Well, we're gonna have a lot of fun with you aren't we?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to find the courage to do something. Anything. But the terror had too tight a grip on me already. I was frozen.

And I hardly had time to register his fist flying at me before I was collapsing on the cold, hard ground, vision fading to black and consciousness slipping away in a flash.


	21. Chapter 21: Sick Day

**YAY. Another chapter complete. This one gives me many, many feels. Hope y'all get similar reactions!**

 **Please review on what I did well or what I could improve on!**

 **Enjoy, friends :D**

* * *

Kai's POV

The first thing I noticed before I opened my eyes was the rattling feeling in my chest, the burning in my lungs with each breath, and the stinging of my throat. I clenched my hand, as steadily became more aware of my aching body, getting a fistful of fabric from underneath me. Clearly, I was in a bed.

I heard voices, but they were distant and fuzzy, as if I was hearing them from underwater. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, then tried to force them open. At first, I was met with bright light streaming in from a nearby window, but soon a shadow cast over me. As I blinked several more times in attempt to get my bearings, I realized the fuzzy outline of a person came into focus. His shaggy, dark hair did nothing to hide the concern and exhaustion riddled across his features.

"Kai? Kai, hey, can you hear me, buddy?" My mind was clearly muddled, as I struggled to put together what he was saying. What Cole was saying.

I opened my mouth to speak, but winced as a sharp pain rose through my throat, reaching a hand up to touch my neck as if that would help.

"C-Cole?" I rasped, grimacing now at the pain and the weak, grating sound of my own voice.

"Yeah, I'm here, bro. How do you feel?" He touched my leg lightly, sinking down next to me on the edge of the bed.

I closed my eyes tightly, thinking how to put it best as I took a deep, rattling, extremely uncomfortable breath. When I flicked my eyes open, Cole was still staring at me with concern. I caved, knowing I didn't have strength for anything but honesty as my eyes started watering from the rising sting in my throat, and the overall achy, feverish feeling throughout my entire body.

"It...it hurts." I should've been ashamed at the whimper that escaped, but again I couldn't bring myself to care. I closed my eyes tightly to hide what were _definitely_ not tears in my eyes, attempting to blink them away, but it didn't matter. Cole knew.

Cole visibly swallowed, eyes shut tight as he gripped the edge of the bed for a moment, as if to ground himself. "Okay," he finally said, looking at me again. "Okay, I'll go get Zane, alright? I'll be back in a sec." He stood up, turning to leave, but...but a sudden thought seized me and I grabbed his wrist swiftly.

"Cole," I said, as he turned back in surprise, eyes wide and sad and questioning. "The kid?" Realization dawned on his face, and something like guilt. "Where is he?"

Panic seized me when Cole didn't answer right away, swallowing again, before leaning over me. A large hand swept my hair off my forehead and I closed my eyes at the surprisingly gentle touch.

"You're burning up, Kai," Cole commented, avoiding my question. But at this point I was too in a daze at how my teammate was acting more like my mother then a strong, fearless leader. "I'll be back with Zane in a second. Try not to fall asleep until I get back."

I blinked owlishly, hardly comprehending his words, other than "try not to fall asleep." Gosh, something must've been really wrong with me.

* * *

Cole's POV

I sighed heavily as I left Kai's room, not bothering to close the door behind me. My heavy footsteps were the only sound in the Bounty as I searched for my icy friend, I noticed with a grimace. Everything was so screwed to hell. Why did this all have to happen? How could I have let this happen?

Kai was feverish and hurt, Jay was missing and probably captured, Lloyd was probably so scared and neglected because neither Zane and I had time to comfort him with all the other problems and Sensei was either completely losing it, being controlled, or possessed. Not to mention the baby Kai had saved was currently in Ninjago City Hospital miles away by now, probably struggling for his life, and I hadn't had the heart to tell my injured brother that the kid he'd risked his life for might not even make it.

And the biggest, most chokingly painful fact of all was that she was dead. I had a feeling that if she had been here, none of this would've even happened. And if it had, she would've stayed strong and done everything she could to fix it. She'd search for Jay, comfort and care for her brother, all while staying strong for Lloyd and the rest of us.

I squeezed my eyes shut, as if that could block out the pain. As if that would erase the memory of Kai's flaming body falling from the apartment building, or the memory of his limp, unconscious form lying way too still in my lap. As if it would make me forget Jay's laughing, cheeky grin that had seemed to always be there until the day his girlfriend died. As if I could block out the image of her dying, bloody form as she drew her last breath in her brother's arms.

Oh, Nya... How her heart would break if she saw us all now. She used to joke about how the Bounty would fall apart if she wasn't around, and I never realized how oh-so-right she was.

I stumbled into the Bridge, hardly registering Zane's presence until he turned from the giant computer screen and was speaking to me.

"Cole, brother, are you alright? How is Kai?"

I shook myself out of my memories, forcing myself to focus on Zane and put his concerned gaze at rest.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But Kai's awake, and I don't know how to help him. He's in a lot of pain."

"I will go to him immediately," Zane said, already moving away from the computer. "Will you take over my search for Jay? I have not really gotten anywhere, but there is still much ground to cover."

I nodded, a lump growing in my throat again. We had to find Jay soon, or I knew I might break. And if I broke, I had a bad feeling everyone would go down with me.

"Go," I said, and he left promptly, leaving me alone in the Bridge staring at a map of Ninjago but hardly seeing a thing.


	22. Chapter 22: Everything Hurts

**All I can say is, YAY.**

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Jay's POV

Everything hurt.

"Ughhh," Head pounding, I struggled to bring my surroundings into focus. Everything was so dark and fuzzy, like little ants running around in my vision, and everything hurt, especially my head. _I guess this was what I got for exploring a mysterious underground cavern alone._

I sat up quickly as the sound of shifting metal reached my ears for nearby. Dim light flooded my apparent cell as the door opened and three large shapes revealed themselves in the doorway. I gulped, trying to shove my rising anxiety down. But I was chained to a wall, my head was pounding, and three ginormous strangers were coming to potentially torture or kill me! What was I supposed to feel? Joy?!

If I'd said that out loud, and _she'd_ been here with me, she would've rolled her eyes, both annoyed and endeared by my antics.

* * *

Kai's POV

Everything hurt.

My throat was burning, head pounding, and every breath sent a stabbing pain through my chest and upper abdomen. But this worst part of all was the fact that the one person I needed so badly to be with me right now wasn't here, and the one person who knew what I was feeling and what I needed before I even said it was dead. My sister was gone and I was a failure, I barely even saved one kid from a burning building when I was the Master of Fire. Cole and Zane probably think I'm some stupid emotional idiot who's only capable of nearly getting himself killed by jumping from a building.

I squeezed my eyes shut as they stung ( definitely _not_ from _tears!_ from the exposure to smoke!), trying to will these excruciating emotions that hurt worse than any physical injury the aftermath of that flaming building stunt at left on me. She...she couldn't be gone. She just couldn't.

* * *

Zane's POV

Everything was falling apart. Even I, the supposedly cool and collected Ice Nindroid, could tell that. One of my brothers was missing, and one was severely injured and feverish. Not to mention the emotional pain each of us have been so cruelly been forced to endure with the death of a dear friend and sister. Cole was attempting so hard to keep up a brave, strong front for our younger teammates. I wished he would allow himself a moment of reprieve from his mask around me, as we stood quietly in the brig, I steering as he scanned the map of Ninjago for any clue as to Jay's whereabouts.

Finally, I sighed, glancing back once again from the wheel over to my black-clad, stony-faced brother.

"Cole, brother," I started softly. For a moment, he did not look up from the map, but I waited patiently. Finally, he turned his head towards me, exhaustion taking over his features.

"What is it, Zane?"

"I do not wish to suggest this, as I know how you may react. But perhaps you should go lie down for a bit. Perhaps even in the med room with Kai so you can assist him if he should need it. But you have been pushing hard and will break if you continue like this."

I could see the resistance already forming in his expression, but also a battle within himself. He knew was exhausted and that I was right.

"But what about you?" Cole waved a hand lazily in my direction. "You've been up as long as I have and stretched yourself just about as thin."

"I am a nindroid. I do not need as much recharge as you do. Sleep, brother."

"But-"

"I will put the Bounty on autopilot and alert you of any activity regarding Jay," I assured him, guessing his thoughts. He closed his mouth, still looking reluctant but ultimately turning towards the door.

"Okay, thanks, Zane."

"Of course, brother."

With that, he left me to my melancholy thoughts.

* * *

Cole's POV

Everything was falling apart.

I knew Zane was right, that I needed to sleep. But my mind mulled over every event that had happened the last few weeks, trying to make sense of it all, while putting aside my emotions. It wasn't working. All the pain and struggle within me was too deep, but still fresh, and listening to Kai's ragged breathing a few feet away on the other bed wasn't helping to lull me into a peaceful sleep.

How could I have let this happen? It didn't matter what Wu had asked us to do. He'd made leader for a reason. I could've made a change of plans out on the battlefield so Nya hadn't gone out there alone. Granted, she did have her Samurai suit which seemed absolutely impenetrable. But now it seemed we'd been taught a lesson, that even the strongest soldiers can be broken. And I wasn't just thinking about Nya.

I was thinking about my brothers.

Jay, who was no longer the happy-go-lucky, cheerful guy who laughed even in the darkest of battles. He was stronger than most people gave him credit for, yet he had been broken. And now he was missing, maybe hurt, being tortured, or dying.

Zane, who even with all his logic and incomprehension of some emotions, was still hurting and trying along with my to hold this team together.

Lloyd, who, although not a ninja or a fighter by any means, had still fought through some of life's toughest challenges. And now, at 10 years old, he had to lose yet another person close to him, to evil.

And...and Kai. My weary gaze flicked over to where my previously fiery brother slept not-so-soundly. Somehow, he seemed invincible, like nothing could faze him, although my leader's intuition always knew that wasn't't true. But despite all his temper tantrums, I always saw him as this loyal, fearless soldier who was so emotionally strong that even the toughest battles couldn't get to him. But now I knew more than ever just how small and helpless my brother could become when his one soft spot had bit exploited and destroyed.

Everything was falling apart. And it hurt. It hurt so, so bad. But somehow, my exhaustion was stronger than all of that and I finally drifted to sleep, trying to be reassured by the sound of my brother's wheezes.


	23. Chapter 23: Wash It All Away

**PREPARE FOR ANGST. That's all I have to say.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 23: Wash It All Away

 _("Please-")_

* * *

Kai's POV

My head was still pounding when I woke up, the rest of my body still achy. At this point, I wondered if this apparent sickness I had wasn't just from the fire and jumping out a building. The feverish heat seemed like it was embedded in my flesh, had been present in my bones for days, just waiting for the right chance to jump out and take over. After all, I was the Master of Fire, and although that didn't mean I was invincible to fire, I didn't think it should've affected me this badly.

Suddenly, I didn't want to stay in bed anymore. I mean, I did because I was still exhausted and didn't have much will to do anything. I assumed it'd been about a week and a half since her death, but I hadn't really kept track so I wasn't sure.

But I was beginning to feel restless, weak, and I just needed to get out of this bed and move. At the same time, the other part of me was already strongly protesting that idea and now everything was just a confusing mess in my brain and- _okay, okay, alright._ I'd just get up and go to the bathroom. I figured I could use a shower. Yeah. _Yeah_ , a shower would be perfect because it'd be relaxing and I wouldn't have to move too far, but could still be out of bed.

I breathed another deep, rattling breath. My chest still felt tight, but maybe a shower would help with that. Finally, I steeled myself to move, grasping the side of the bed in a tight grip, and pushing up to a sitting position. My arms shook just with that movement, head spinning for a second.

At that moment, I realized there was someone else in the room. The other cot was occupied with a snoozing Cole, tension and exhaustion present in his features even while asleep. A pained feeling hit me as I realized how hard he was trying to be strong and keep us all together, seeming to shove down his pain to help us. I wished I could help him, but I didn't even have a grip on myself.

I didn't want to wake him, so as quietly as I could, I swung my legs off the edge of the bed. A deep breath. Clammy hands gripped the edge of the bed. I prepared to stand, body shaking as I slowly put weight on my feet. My head spun and vision became spotted for a brief moment like it does when you stand up too quickly after laying down.

Finally, after ensuring I wasn't going to collapse before I got to the bathroom, I walked across the hall. I couldn't help but notice how eerily quiet the Bounty was, but right now I just wanted to focus on this small task.

I gripped the door frame for a brief moment, as a strange nauseousness flooded through me. At the same time, my stomach rumbled and I realized something else. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually eaten, not that I could bring myself to care with everything else that consumed my thoughts.

I shut the door to the bathroom as I moved inside. Without thinking about it, I glanced up at the mirror above the sink, and-froze. My breath caught in my throat, and I stepped back, my back hitting the cool wall behind me. I couldn't recognize myself. Bandages covered a few spots on my arms and torso but nothing major, and I was used to injuries. But, but my face, and-and my…

I brought a hand to feel the middle of my torso. I must've not eaten since the funeral to have lost this much weight in less than two weeks. My ab muscles were still defined, but the rest of my body looked so weak, so sickly. The golden tan of my skin I was always so proud of (and the ladies always loved) was gone, replaced with this ghostly pale color that matched the way I was starting to feel inside. The intense pain was still there, but it was starting to blur. Starting to lose its color, fading into a numbness. White, ghostly numbness.

 _(Numb (Adj): deprived of the power of sensation; unable to think feel or respond normally; Numb (V): deprive of feeling or responsiveness; cause (a sensation) to be felt less intensely; deaden)_

Deaden.

Shaking myself, still looking down to avoid seeing myself (or what was left of me), I moved to shower and turned it on. I stripped the rest of my clothing as the water heated.

 _(Heat implies the presence of energy, excitement, passion.)_

Maybe if I could feel heat again, it could melt away this icy numbness crawling in my gut and around my heart. I didn't want to feel this intense pain, but I'd rather feel something, _anything_ , than nothing at all. I knew that place of numbness too well, and it was the loneliest place to be. But, but this pain-this pain of losing her was so much stronger. Maybe-maybe numbness wouldn't be so bad this time...

Changing my mind and stepping in the shower, I prayed to God that He'd let this water wash away the pain. I couldn't stand to think of her and feel the sharp, blinding pain stab through my chest. I couldn't stand it, and I needed to be numb.

Steaming water rain down my back. I hardly felt it. I think I started crying, but the shower hid the feeling of the tears running down my face so I couldn't be sure.

 _Please-_

Please what? Please who? Who was I asking for help, and what was I asking for?

My heart pounding, pulse rising, burning water trickling down my body trying desperately to wash away my pain, I let out a scream. I didn't care who heard. I slammed my fists against the shower wall.

And I screamed my voice raw.

* * *

 **What do y'all think? Intense, right?**

 **Poor baby, Kai :( Why do I do this to you?**

 **Also, are you guys still enjoying this story? Is it still engaging enough? Do I need more action, more emotions or anything? Let me know in the reviews! I want this story to still be interesting for y'all!**

 **Thanks for reading XD**


	24. Chapter 24: Lloyd Just Wants to Help

**Sorry guys, this chapter probably sucks but I wanted to get something up.**

 **Let me know what you think in the reviews!**

* * *

Lloyd's POV

No one even tried to look for me. I understood that chaos was ensuing right now, that everyone was sad and Kai was hurt, Jay was missing, etc. etc. I just thought that someone would've checked on me by now. I mean, I was fine, but it still would've been nice. I wandered around the Bounty, kind of making my rounds I guess.

Once I heard that there was trouble in Ninjago City and Jay and Cole were going to help, I went into the Bridge and helped Zane keep track of everyone. But then Cole had found Kai and brought him back here, hurt, with a baby in tow. We'd found out we couldn't contact Jay after he told Cole he'd found the gunmens' base. We'd taken the baby to the hospital. Zane and Cole had gone back and forth between checking on Kai and looking for Jay in the Bridge. And I was left standing uselessly in the Bridge as well, until finally I decided to make myself useful. But I did it quietly.

I peeked around the doorway when Cole was helping Kai. I searched the computer for Jay when Zane had gone to check on Kai. I even went on deck and cleaned up a bit, seeing nothing better to do. And now I was going back to check on Kai.

And it was a good thing I did. He wasn't in his bed when I peered in the med room. Cole was dozing in the other bed, getting much needed sleep and probably unaware that Kai was missing. Then I turned to the bathroom door across the hall, having heard the shower running. Oh.

The worry left me slightly as I realized Kai was probably just getting cleaned up. Which means he was doing better, right? no . Because that's when I heard him scream. And there was an intense pounding following that as if he were punching the wall repeatedly. Or-or falling? Or…

"Kai!" I grabbed the doorknob and tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Kai!" I screamed again, rattling the door violently, wanting to help. But I couldn't do this alone. Reluctantly, but desperately, I ran back into the med bay.

Running to the bed Cole was on, I shook him awake. "Cole! Wake up!"

He shot up in a panic, but looking confused. "What? Lloyd, what's wrong?" His gaze trailed over to the empty bed in the room. The one Kai had been in. "Where's Kai?" He seemed to know the problem involved the said ninja.

"In the bathroom! The door's locked, but I think he needs help!" The earth ninja shot up, brushing past me without saying a word.

I followed him, still wanting to be able to help. Kai was still screaming inside the bathroom.

I watched as Cole used his insane super strength to knock down the door. The screams were diminishing to sobs, and Cole, probably realizing the shower was on with Kai inside, looked back at me.

"Hey, Lloyd," he said, surprisingly calmly. "Go get Zane for me, okay? Tell to come here, and you can take his place searching for Jay in the bridge, alright?" I wanted to stay, but I also didn't want to argue and make the situation harder.

I nodded. "Alright." And ran off to find Zane.


	25. Chapter 25: Panic! At the Bounty

**Didn't really edit this. Oh well.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Cole's POV

My stomach did a flip-flop as Lloyd shook me awake, frightened face hovering above me. Instantly, I noted the empty bed that had previously held my injured brother and knew that whatever had Lloyd so worked up probably had to do with Kai.

So when he told me that the said ninja needed help, I was up and running in a second, following him across the hall to the bathroom. My heart plummeted at the heart-wrenching sound of his hoarse, choked screams. I wasted no time in busting down the door and sending Lloyd for Zane. Not knowing if I'd need back up, or medical help.

I sprinted to the shower, ripping back the curtain without a second thought. My gaze found Kai instantly, but I just as quickly found myself averting my eyes away.

I reached for the knob to shut off the water, arm getting soaked in the process with blistering hot water. With a hiss, I then snatched a towel off the rack and turned to Kai.

He was sitting on the bathtub floor, skin red and irritated, knees pulled close to his chest. No longer screaming, but very close to hyperventilating. I heard hurried footsteps down the hall but I couldn't focus on that now.

Trying not to look at his lower body, out of respect, I covered his waist and legs with the towel I'd grabbed.

"Kai," I said loudly. "Kai, hey." He barely batted an eye, still choking on air as erratic sobs tried to force their way out of him.

I leapt into the bathtub and crouched in front of him, putting a hand on his knee in hopes to gain his attention. "Kai, you gotta look up at me, bud, okay? You gotta breathe."

"I….can't…" he barely managed, eyes wide as he finally met my gaze. It was a start.

"You have to," I said, softly but firmly. "You're gonna be okay, but you're having a panic attack, so we need to steady your breathing."

"I can't!" Another choked sob, as he retreated further into his panic, two lone tears streaking down his face.

My heart was pounding, but I kept my voice calm, soothing. "You're alright. I know it's scary, because I've had a few when I was younger. And I've helped Jay through some. Look at me, and we'll breathe together."

His hands were pressed against the shower wall, body tense as his mind was paralyzed. His eyes were shut tight.

"Kai," I said more firmly. "Open your eyes, okay? I'm right here. Look at me, and listen to my voice and breathing." He eyes opened slightly, staying in a squint.

I took a breath through my nose. "Inhale. 1...2...3. Exhale." I let it out slowly. A few more rounds of this, and Kai was finally attempting to copy me.

Slowly, but surely, his breathing started to calm and a little color rose back into his cheeks.

"There you go," I said, as he let out one final, steady breath through his mouth. "That's it, you're okay now."

And it was like a switch was flipped, turning his body from tense to limp like Jell-O. He lurched forward and buried his head in his knees, still maintaining the steady breathing pattern. I let out a shaky, relieved breath of my own, gaze finally moving from the boy in front of me to the doorway, where Zane was just now entering.

"Is it over?" He asked quietly, eyes focusing on Kai, who was shaking slightly.

"I think so. We need to get him out of the bath." I stood up slowly, knees stiff from being bent so awkwardly. "Can you try to talk to him while I grab him a change of clothes?"

"Of course, brother."

I slowly made my way down the hall to the bunkroom, wanting a moment to collect myself before returning to help my seriously traumatized brother. For the first time since her death, a few tears actually fell down my cheeks, out of sheer exhaustion and the weight of what had just happened in the bathroom.

Kai. Panic attack. Of all the people, I never thought I'd see the vibrant, fearless master of fire lose himself in the midst of panic and despair. The way I had as a child, after my mother died.

I went through the motions of gathering clothes for Kai, trying to find the most comfortable things. A black hoodie of mine, since it was several sizes too big for him, so should hang nice and loosely. A pair of red, plaid boxers and some gray joggers.

When I entered the bathroom again, Zane was knelt down next to the tub. He was talking so softly to Kai, I couldn't make out what he was saying. He had a gentle hand on the fire ninja's back. Whatever he said worked because he got Kai to lift his head, eyes red and expression one of pure exhaustion.

"Okay," Zane spoke a little louder now. "Can you wrap the towel around yourself, brother? Then I will help you stand up." Kai nodded, shaky hands wrapping the evergreen towel tighter around his body and tucking it in in the front.

Zane nodded. "Good. Is it alright if I put my arms around you to lift you up?" The briefest smile quirked on my face, at what a natural Zane was at taking care of people. Kai nodded again, and I set the pile of clothes in my hand on the counter in case I needed to help.

Instead of Kai stepping over the edge of the tub with Zane's help, he ended up letting the ice ninja completely scoop him up and lift him over. He settled him on his feet but didn't let go of the red ninja, seeing as he was still unsteady looking. Together they walked to the toilet so Kai could sit down and get dressed.

Kai sank down on the seat cover, dark brown strands of hair hanging over his face, occasionally dripping water into his eyes. He was silent, besides the occasional small sniffle he gave. And he didn't make any move to put on his clothes, so I met Zane's gaze, asking silently what we should do. He shrugged, this time unsure.

I sighed, reaching for the hoodie on the counter.

"Need some help, buddy?" I tried to sound cheerful. At this point, who knows or cares if I did? He shrugged one shoulder, so I took that as a yes. "Alright, here."

I maneuvered the back clothing item over his head, he helped by shrugging his arms into the oversized sleeves.

"Zane and I will turn around while you put these on." I tossed him the boxers, and he nodded as Zane and I did as I said.

After a moment, we turned back around and Kai was fully dressed and standing to his feet. He still seemed shaky, but strong enough to walk across the hall, which he did, brushing past us without a word. Zane and I shared another look, before following our now eerily silent brother. We watched as he looked between the med bay and the bunkroom, before deciding the comfort of his bed was what he most needed. In all honesty, it was what we all needed right now.

Kai climbed up the ladder to his bunk and curled up in a ball, back towards us. Zane and I stood in the doorway, both skeptical about leaving the red ninja alone, even if he appeared to want to sleep.

"Hey," I whispered to Zane. "Maybe you should stay in here just in case, maybe even get some sleep? I just got a few hours, so I can take over the search for Jay for a while."

Zane looked thoughtful. "Perhaps. But I really do not need as much recharge as the rest of you. And I feel as though we could all use a good, filling meal. You can take over in the Brig, and come find me in the kitchen if you should need me. I will also make sure to check on Kai, regularly."

"You sure, Frosty? I mean, nindroids need sleep too, right?"

He smiled, but as anyone that did lately, it didn't reach his eyes. "Yes. But they need food too. And I think it would do us all good."

I nodded, seeing no point in arguing. Not when there was so much else on my mind, so much weight on my soul to the point where I was beginning to feel suffocated. My face fell into a deep frown, clearly noticeable to Zane, because he looked at me in concern.

"Are you alright, brother? I know the two of us have been forced to stay strong for the other three. Especially with Sensei Wu the way he is."

I couldn't find the strength to lie. Not to Zane. Not to the one person who seemed capable of sharing the same immense burden and responsibility to hold this team together. I ran my hand through my hair, restlessly, noting the greasy feeling. Yikes, I needed a shower.

"I don't know, Zane. Everything's just...it's all so…"

"Broken?" He finished softly. I didn't have to answer, because of course, he knew it too. "I know, brother. But we must keep going. If not for ourselves, then for our younger brothers. And for Ninjago."

I groaned, scrubbing a hand down my face. "How are we supposed to that at this rate? I feel like I'm being stretched to my limit. I can't even examine my own pain because I'm so busy caring for them in their pain! Zane, I just...I just don't know how long we can last like this. We're hardly acknowledging Lloyd. Kai alone is an unpredictable loose cannon, and I feel like I have to keep a constant eye on him. Wu's psycho, and I have no idea what to do about that. And, and...Jay...gosh, we don't even know where Jay is, so-so I can't even help him. And Nya-" My voice broke, just like this dam inside me was about to. "Nya's gone, Zane. She's gone, and everything's a mess because of it."

And that was it. Standing in front of my sole support in this whole mess, I lost it. The dam burst, and let myself, the so-called unshakeable Master of Earth, break down and sob. Zane just put his arms around me in understanding, and I sobbed into his shoulder.

A part of me was ashamed for finally giving into my own pain. For allowing myself this moment of weakness. But at the same time, despite the fact that the pain was still so, so strong...I was relieved to finally be allowed to let it all out.

After a few moments, I forced the tears to stop, but Zane didn't let go. Neither of us tended to be touchy people, but it seemed we both needed this as reassurance that we weren't alone in this.

We would pull the team back up by their bootstraps: we'd get Jay back, we'd help Kai heal, we'd raise up Lloyd again, and we'd pull them through the darkness until we burst through the other side.

But my moment of resolve shattered as another thought struck me. I recalled something Zane had said moments before I had broke down.

 _Especially with Sensei Wu the way he is._

"Oh no…" I mumbled, pulling back from Zane.

"What is it, Cole?" Zane questioned worriedly.

"Sensei Wu," I said. "Where exactly is he at this very moment?"

Zane's look of fear and suspicion mirrored mine perfectly.

* * *

 **Steampunk Wilson - Glad you liked it! Yeah, and it's also just hard for me to write Lloyd, and as a kid in this situation :/ And yes, Kai just needs all the help right now...anyway, thanks for your review!**

 **RandomDragon2.0 - Yes! Good job, Lloyd! I kinda realized I was neglecting him in this, so thought I'd give a little role there. Gosh, all these emotions and events are hard to write. Thanks for your review!**

 **Bolting-Style/Guest - Aww thank you sooo much! I'm so happy you like it, it makes me happy as a writer. Hope you like this chapter! And yeah I'm so down for fanart for this story! Just please give me credit for the fanfiction and let me know if you post it somewhere! :D**


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